Do we really still want the "bad boy?"

Ah, I was going to get so much done at home today and then I had a conversation with one of the guys signing up for the group's next cocktail party and I can't stop thinking about what he said. He had an idea that he called a theory but really he believed it to be the truth. Never married and told too many times that he is "too nice," he believes that all women only want the "bad boy" and that the nice guy really does finish last.

It made me think. I told him that the women I know claim to be done with the bad boy thing, that they've been through a marriage and a bad divorce, are independent, and are enjoying life, but would appreciate having a good man around for company. For hiking or watching movies or that cool stuff under the sheets, but they want some peace in their lives, not drama. They want a guy to talk to, to laugh with, and to listen to them when they come home from a tough day at work. They want their feet rubbed and their shoulders massaged and are more than willing to reciprocate. With a "nice guy."

So maybe we should define it, what is a "nice guy"? The guy on the phone said that lots of women in his past liked him, or even loved him, but claimed that he was "too nice" and that it caused them not to keep him. Maybe he was so eager to please his woman that he overdid it, catering to her desires and not stating his own. I've learned from Wayne Levine (it's in a previous post) from www.bettermen.org that men have been "feminized" by women who wanted them to be their best friends and confidants. Wayne teaches these guys to reclaim their masculinity, to state their non-negotiable needs, and to stop being afraid of their women. I think it's true, that we ladies want our guys to be everything to us, but I've learned that some things I need to get from my woman friends and not to expect it from my man. We strong independent women like to have things our way and the "nice guy" will do it, but in the long run we grow to dislike that kind of giving-in and want our guys to stand up for themselves, let us know who they are and what they want, and not be motivated by the possibility of our not liking what they say.

I don't think we really want a bad boy anymore, but we want a man who is confident and strong and can stand up to us while treating us like a princess. It's bad to stereotype that "all women" want this or that, and I wonder if believing it makes these guys seek to prove themselves right with the women they meet. I say, be the nice guy, be really good to us, but be strong and hold on to what you want and need. If you come across a woman who won't let you open the door for her or doesn't appreciate when you bring her flowers, let her go and move on. There's a whole bunch of us who want a guy like you, I promise. Just don't give up who you are to be with us. Stand strong, let us see the real you, and feel free to adore us. We'd like that. I know I would.