Thanks for the Party!

Whew, that was fun! The parties have all been fun, but this one was especially fun. The facts are that there were over 120 people at the party and you all sure looked like you were having a good time. Lots and lots of new faces, just amazing!

Lots of you told me that you enjoyed reading this blog, and I love to hear that! And lots of you told me that the party was lots of fun and that you appreciate my organizing them, but there's one thing you don't realize! It's YOU, yes YOU, who make it fun! OK, I book the room and have greeters and name taggers, but it's you you have smiles on your faces and talk to people you don't know and dance your hearts out and that's what makes the party fun. You! Really! Already I've received two comments via email: thanks for a great party, last night and Just thought I'd drop you a quick "thank you' email.... in spite of my nervousness being a first time singles event visitor, I met some nice people and had an enjoyable time for the two hours or so that I stayed... next time I'll plan on staying out later!!

I extend my sincere appreciation to Jose and Miguel at the Warner Center Hilton in Woodland Hills (and Richie and his amazing bar staff) for treating us like such honored guests. And I thank all of you for coming to my party because it's a great pleasure seeing you all have a good time. And yes, it was my birthday and it was my shameless way of having a party for myself, but you all made it happen, so I thank you for being such good sports and mingling and dancing and looking so happy! YOU made it a fun time for me and for all!

OK, enough gushing. Here's the pix of the party (Sorry they're dark, but you get the idea):




Your Happy Warner Center Hilton Bar Staff




You Dancing!




An aerial view of the fun!

Happy Whatever!

It's that time of year to give and receive presents and spend time with our families and friends. Some have families far away, some have family members from whom they're estranged, and some have little or no family at all. Some of us are financially well off, some are just getting by, and some have very little. For some, this is a very happy and joyful season and for others it is sad and lonely.

For me, it's a mixed bag. I have a lot of family I don't see, after many years or acrimony, and I'm sad about that. I have a daughter and son-in-law I adore and who have blessed the world with 4-year-old twins who enrich my life, like there is really no word to express the joy they bring to me. (Yes, that's their two smiling faces in the picture.) I have old friends I cherish and new friends who I've met this year who had added to my life in new and delightful ways. I have a roof over my head and a cat and a dog and a good car. I am getting a year older at the turn of the year, but I still feel young and vibrant. Even at this age, I'm still surmounting the issues created by a less-than-loving childhood, but I am happy much of the time. I'm in what might be the first healthy and grown-up romantic relationship of my life, and I'm amazed and grateful for that. It's been a year of some tough growth and change, and I realize the courage it has taken me to stay on the path. Really, I am very, very rich.

So, at this time of the year when we, no matter what our religion, celebrate miracles, I wish all of you the vision to see your blessings and the health and strength to enjoy whatever the New Year brings. Love to all!

Ships, Shows, and Silliness - The Cruise!

I just got back from the cruise! Last year, a group of us Wowettes went on a weekend cruise to Ensenada and had a great time. This year, I decided to open the cruise up to the Party List, the people who I invite to the free cocktail parties I've thrown this year, and we had an even better time! We had over 80 in our group and from what I could see, every one was having fun!

I was trying to figure out what made it such fun. It would be hard not to have a good time on a cruise, but this one was especially fun. There were activities all day, food available in a variety of places whenever you got hungry, shows to enjoy all evening, and music in a variety of discos for our dancing pleasure. Going with a group is a little different because, no matter where you are, you are likely to see someone in your group to sit with or dance with or eat with or just hang out with, and it's always more fun to have someone to enjoy the fun with. A lot of our group went by themselves or with one other person and, after a short time, it sure seemed like everyone knew everyone else and mingled like they were old friends. It made my trip even more special to see all of you enjoying yourselves.

Not many specifics, I know, but I'll post more pix when I get them and tell more about the cruise then. (Meanwhile, here's a few pix of the ship and those towel animals the guys who clean the rooms make!) I send out a very warm thank you to the guys and gals who came up to me on the cruise to say they enjoy my parties and like to read this blog - I appreciate your kind words. And I want to send out a very big and heartfelt thank-you to our Wowette Bev from the Northridge AAA who planned this weekend for all of us and made sure we were had a good time. She is planning another cruise in May, this time starting in New Orleans, and I'm hoping that even more of you single people out there decide to join us then. (You can reach Bev at 818-313-7677.)

Well, I've got laundry to do and another Cocktail Party to plan so I'll just make this short. If you're single and live in or around the Los Angeles area and you'd like an invitation to the upcoming Holiday Cocktail Party, send an email asking for details to wowthatellen@yahoo.com. See you at the next party or cruise!

A holiday party invitation.

I'm throwing another party. I wasn't going to have a party this month, with the holidays and all, but so many of you emailed me asking to do it, I am. (If you aren't on the party list to get the details, email me at wowthatellen@yahoo.com and ask for them.) It's a lonely time of year for many of us, especially those who are single, so having a fun place to go to dance and mingle with people our age and maybe meet a new friend or more, now that's a good idea, I say.

I was remembering that I used to do some computer dating, meeting strangers who I knew very little about, whose picture and profile might have piqued my interest, and so I went online to a popular site and did some browsing, just for fun. Thought I'd share some of the memorable profiles with you!

- "I have a question. What happened to the woman who appreciates the old fashioned guy who opens the door for her, loves her more then life, believes in romance and true love? I love Kids, animals and life and need someone that loves the same things." (Ah, that would be nice, he's polite and treats a woman well and likes animals? But does he like to walk on the beach?)

- "Life is a journey. You choose the direction your journey takes. Your choices can always be pleasant if your choices are thoughtful and true." (That's all this guy's profile said, really! Nice sentiment, but who is he?!?)

- "Expressive artist seeks to lend his hand to your equally expressive and soulful person. Should be real but with a keen sense and appreciation of the absurd. sarcasm and humor a big plus. i tend to go fast so be able and ready to pick up your pace if you want to enjoy my unique view and vision." (Hmmm, could be good, maybe not? But does he open doors for the ladies?)

- "Enjoy traveling, love anywhere near the beach, walking, hiking, going out for a nice dinner along the beach. Enjoy many outdoor activities, including attending sporting events." (Is that a hint that he spends every Sunday cheering on his favorite team?)

- "PLEASE BE WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE IN YOUR PROFILE... ANYTHING THAT STARTS WITH A LIE WILL NOT LAST. My age is correctly stated and I look exactly like my photos. Your's should be the same. IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PHOTO POSTED, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME... CAUTION: THE FOLLOWING IS HARSH BY DESIGN SO THAT YOU WILL SCREEN YOURSELF OUT IF YOU ARE PLAGUED BY ANY OF THE FOLLOWING. Trust me, I'm far happier single and we're TRULY not a match if: 1)you're on anti-depressants or have made therapy your lifestyle; 2)you're in any type of 12-step self help program, 3)you are a "self-help" freak or "unconditional love" junkie (and if you haven't "found" yourself by now, even MapQuest can't help you)." (Ooooooh, this guy scares me. Kinda narrow minded? He probably has never 'found' himself, and likely he's never even looked...)

- "I'm the guy your parents warned you about. I love competition,sports, poker, laughing,& affection. The Ocean any time..sunsets, mountain hiking.
My friends are few ,but quality ! I am loyal. I can be bad ,,in a good way.
YOU must be in shape ,soft on the eyes,love to laugh , not take yourself to seriously." (Ah, honey, we're trying so hard, me and my girlfriends, to finally give up looking for the 'bad guy'...)

" Love the Life you Live ...Live the Life you Love....Know what makes me happy,and aim to please..As I will for you !! treasure our times together, but secure when we're apart. Chivalry is right here." (Nice sentiment but again, who is he?!?)

You know, I like the parties we've had, a room full of nicely dressed attractive single people who are smiling and dancing and talking and have fun. I like the "old-fashioned" idea of actually getting off the computer and the serial browsing that keeps us dreaming and wishing but not meeting, and actually being in the same space as someone I might like to get to know better. Not saying that computer dating is a bad thing, but standing in front of someone, hearing them speak, listening to their inflections and noticing their body language and smelling their cologne....Uh oh, gotta go. See you at the party! xo

Love, cement, and freedom

I'm home from work and on drugs. I hurt my back and no, I don't know how I did it. Yes, I work for neurosurgeons and I asked one what happened and he said "no one knows" which wasn't so helpful but he did inject some stuff into the spot where it hurts and it helped a little. So I've been on drugs and putting ice on it and lying down for the past five days. Feels like life is passing me by, like there's all these things I should be doing and I'm not and I've missed the window to do them and that's that.

So I've had some time to think, which sometimes is good and sometimes isn't. I'm too much of a thinker, I've been told, so I've spent considerable time and effort learning to live in the moment which is not a place where there's thinking, just being, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't and I guess that's just life.

I've been thinking about how we pick mates that fit an old and likely subconscious pattern from our childhood. I have a friend I've known since we were pre-teens whose father beat her and told her she was stupid and ugly and she's spent her life picking mates just like her dad, like that's her idea of love, someone who abuses and belittles her. I'm in a relationship with a guy who treats me respectfully and kindly and I often feel like running away, like it's not comfortable at all to be with someone so nice to me. I'm used to men who I fear and who I hold at arm's length so they can't get to me to hurt me, so this guy is very different and it's not comfortable. I said that already, but it's hard to put it another way. I think probably many of us pick the same kind of guy over and over because that's what we know as love, even if it's awful and painful and demeaning, we just learned that's what love looks like. So when we meet someone who is different and treats us well, it's difficult and very, very much out of our comfort zone.

I have a very dear friend, like a sister to me, who had a childhood so much like mine that we could have been raised in the same household, with parents who belittled and where there was little or no nurturing or protection, and we both have a hard time picking good men. We are picky, very picky, and maybe that's one way to keep them away, could be. She gives an analogy that I've never heard but it just so right-on, that it's like cement poured around us. The cement is pliable when it's first poured, like in our childhood when we first encountered destructive behaviors from our supposed loved ones, and then the cement hardens as we get older and we'd need something like a jackhammer to get it off of us. It's not easy, this recognizing what we do, our reactions are so subconscious and triggered by something very deep inside us and often stuff of which we are not aware, so our actions and reactions are just automatic. She says that most people just go on doing the same thing, never realizing the roots of their reactions, and never changing or growing past them into reactions that will bring life and health and relationships that are loving and good. She says I'm very brave to confront this issue and I appreciate her kind and uplifting words.

I'm at that uncomfortable place, knowing that I'm reacting from my past, very aware of it, yet finding it so very tough to do the opposite, to counter that knee-jerk reaction and be a person who allows this kind and loving person to be close to me. I didn't learn much about life from my mother, my role model, except that men are to be feared, and I internalized that reaction at an early age and the cement has layers and layers and layers and I can't imagine finding a jackhammer strong enough to break through it. I have a therapist who helps me, but it's like there are so many hardened layers and I have so many years of reacting the old way that it seems almost impossible to break through, cast aside these fears, and allow myself to follow a different path.

I share this because I imagine that I'm not the only one who faces these demons and maybe those of you who wonder what keeps you from attracting someone who loves you in a good and rich way might want to think about this, how your old fears that you don't even recognize are keeping you from happiness. And, as much as I know in my head what I'm doing, it's almost like I am up against that brick wall, that hole full of concrete that I can't get past to do the right thing. OK, I'm on drugs, so this might not make the most sense, but do any of you relate to this? I'd be interested in hearing how you got through this heavy wall, this stony ground, to be free enough to allow someone good to be close. I'm in bed with nothing to do, so write away, tell me how you conquered your fears. I'd love to hear it.