September 28, 2006

The Guy Panel Pictures

Here is a link to pictures from the guy panel. It looks like everyone is having a blast...and hopefully learning something, too!
  • Click for more photos
  • September 22, 2006

    The Guy Panel

    What an evening! From the first of you walking in my home, Carole with her beautiful hair in a new style and Mikki looking radiant, to my lovely curly-haired daughter Daria lighting up the room, to the last few stragglers not wanting to leave, the night was perfect.

    We had planned a "Guy Panel." After months of hearing relationship counselors and life coaches and profile writers, we invited the real deal to our meeting, three guys who were involved with three of us WOW ladies to answer our questions about men. I hoped it would be informative and interesting and, mostly, fun. Little did I know.

    So we asked the questions and they gave their answers and I thought I'd have great stuff for the blog, some quotes about their views on women and dating and sex. Details about why men do what they do. Details on what they like about us or wish was different. But I realized, a few minutes into their answers, that what we were learning from the guys was not in the specific answers to our questions, but who they really are as people. Three very different guys, different in age and education and style, different in size and looks and appearance. But so much alike in ways that touched our hearts.

    We learned from these three men that they feel deeply, that they appreciate the women who have chosen them, and that they are very grateful for the love and affection that have been given to them. We learned that we have to look past their quirks, like how sometimes they talk too much or listen too little, to see who they really are inside, to see the person they have become and so yearn to share with a good woman. That regardless of their age, be they young or many decades later, they have strong feelings and that they are surprisingly not hesitant or embarrassed to reveal them. And that what they want most is women who are real, who are able and willing to be authentic, who will let down their guard to let the guys into their hearts. And we learned that the perfect guy for us may come in a package that is very different than what we hoped for, that the guy can be young or short or in a different profession than we imagined but that he can be perfect for us.

    So this meeting marked the end of the first year of WOW and it's been a year I never could have anticipated. Seeing all of you amazing women together, so obviously enjoying each other and our times together gives me joy I can hardly express. It's heartwarming to see a few of us find the love of a good man. It's gotta be encouraging for those who still wait to see that there really are great guys out there. No matter what happens, we have been good for each other, we ladies. Growing and learning and having fun together. Life has been rich for me lately, having all of you in my life. It will be wondrous to see what happens next to each of you.

    September 13, 2006

    How to comment to the blog!

    I've been so busy posting to this blog and wishing and hoping for your comments to the blog that I didn't realize that it is a bit confusing to figure out how to do it!

    Here are your instructions to make your comments (silly, fun, cerebral, or heartfelt) to your WOW blog: At the bottom of each article is a link the says "(#)comments". If you click on it, it takes you to where you can read any comments that have already been left, and there you will also find a box for you to leave a comment of your own. Write your comment in the box. When you finish, go down to where it says "Choose an Identity," and click the button marked "other." The screen will change and the only thing you will be required to add is a "name." The name can be anything you want -- it doesn't have to be your real name, although it would be fun for the other WOW members to know who is saying what! After you enter a name, scroll down further and copy the security code into the "Word Verification" box. Click on "Publish Your Comment," and voila, your comment gets posted.

    I love the WOW group and totally enjoy your email comments to me - but wouldn't it be fun for the world (and maybe Oprah?) to read them too! Comment away, ladies!

    September 11, 2006

    The Wow Ladies....

    I recently wrote about one of the WOW ladies who has richly blessed my life with her friendship and her beauty and her caring. I'm equally impressed with the other ladies, each fabulous and wonderful in their own right, navigating the world as fiftyish divorcees in one of the world's largest and yet most isolated cities in the world.

    There is the beautiful tall blonde with three handsome sons she adores and who clearly adore her and who seems shy but radiates a quiet strength and was the first since our group formed to find what seems like a well suited man, one who shows his feelings with actions. There is that other blonde, the girl-next-door beauty who is having the time of her life to make up for the years she was unhappily married, who balances work and friends and family and volunteering and travel, and still makes time to bring her joyful spirit to our gatherings. There are the language teachers, all three of them, as different as can be, but sharing a joy for their profession and a love for their families that shines brightly in all that they do, regardless of its challenges. There is the multitalented business owner who seeks to make others beautiful and the best they can be, both in looks and spirit. There is our brave Chicago transplant who ventured only recently to this strange place to make a better living and has found her niche easily, both at work and doing her favorite dancing at many fine local clubs. There is another beautiful blonde, maybe our senior member, who is light-hearted, looks very young, and has a spring in her step and attitude that we all admire. And there is our travel planner who can talk about anything and everything, is genuinely kind to even the most obnoxious people, and makes me look forward to Monday so that I can walk with her around Chatsworth and spend one hour in her delightful company. There is our other entrepreneur who seeks to help us grow spiritually by helping us clean our cupboards and closets and who brings a refreshing and joyful attitude to everything she does...and makes the best margueritas. And our newest member who combines a curiosity and energy that is second to none.

    Why tell you about each of these ladies? Because each of them has changed my life, just by being who they are. It is said that, if any of us didn't exist, the world would be a different place. I can say that, because each of you exist, my life is richer and happier and far more meaningful. I just want to say thank you to each and all of you for being uniquely you - and for blessing me with your friendship.

    Warning - this is R-rated!

    I warn you. This is a posting about a subject we don't talk about. You know the kind when we have so much to say but we can't bring it up. We want to, but we think our ideas are really weird or that we’re the only one who thinks this way or that everybody knows all about it but us or that it’s all just too embarrassing to even think about. So, be prepared. Yes, it’s the blow job.

    There are a variety of reasons for giving a blow job. We know they like it and we want to please them. We want them to go down on us, so we think we’d better do it to them. We want them to think we are doing our share in the bedroom, so we do it from time to time. Or it’s a barter, like when they offer to wash our car or take us to dinner or go to a party with our friends that they don’t like if we’ll give them a blow job. Did you notice that I didn’t mention that we do it because we like it?

    And, yes, there are lots of reasons not to do it. We have to put their penis, no matter how big or small or hard or soft, in our mouths and suck and sometimes the guys just lie there like rugs and don’t move or make sounds so we don’t know if we’re doing it right or if they like what we’re doing. What if it’s just too big and we can barely get it in our mouths? Or so small, we can hardly find it and then it’s so difficult to maneuver because there is so little to work with? Should we suck it or lick it or both and should we rub it while we’re sucking it or reach under and do something with the hairy hangy-down things or what? And should we really put it way down in our throats while we rub and suck and then how do we keep doing all those things at the same time while we are gagging and trying not to throw up? And, of course, while we’re busy trying to figure it all out and do it at the same time, we’re also supposed to moan and oooh and ahhhh so they think we’re actually enjoying ourselves but we’re really just thinking that if we moan and oooh and ahhh, then maybe they’ll come quicker and we can stop. And do we really have to put it in our mouths if they say they took a shower this morning but then worked all day and played a few games of softball and drank beer with their buddies in the heat – are we really supposed to put it in our mouths if, um um, well, it doesn’t exactly smell good down there?

    And when do we stop? One minute? Ten minutes? Until they come? Who knows? And if they come, do we let them come in our mouths and then do we swallow it or spit it out on the sheets without them noticing or can we just get up and run to the bathroom and spit it out in the sink and rinse out our mouths without offending them too much? What’s a girl to do?

    I know, I know...they don’t call it a job for nothing.

    September 9, 2006


    Why do we have friends? They're fun and we have company when we are go out. They make life more pleasurable. It's good for us and our health to socialize. We can learn something about life and dating and men and work and kids and other things from them. And they are our mirrors.

    If they're good friends, they tell us when we are out of line or if we are doing something potentially harmful to ourselves or others. If they are good friends, they tell us when we are wearing clothes that aren't flattering or if our lipstick is the wrong color. If they are good friends, they will tell us when we look good and this makes us feel lovely. If they are good friends, talking to them or being with them makes life seem more rich and more meaningful. And if they are good friends, they are the mirror to ourselves, allowing us to see the ways we grow and change. And if they are good friends, they share our joys and our sadness and let us share theirs.

    Sometimes we meet someone who sees us in a way that changes our life. I had dinner with a friend like that tonight, someone from the group. We met just before WOW was formed and immediately it felt like I had known her all my life, like she was a sister and a female soul mate. Just like any friendship, ours waxes and wanes and we don't always make time for each other, but we know that the other is there and cares about us and that, when we do spend time together, it will be good.

    She watches me and comments on what I am doing and helps me understand myself and it makes me feel more valuable, that someone so special cares to notice those things. She is good company and is willing to share her real self and her insides with me. And that makes me feel important. And tonight she was different. Sure, beautiful and full of life, but tonight she was different in a subtle way. She was more centered and more real and more calm, almost as if her mind was more focused and steady, not distracted so much by the everyday stuff,like she had come to feel more comfortable with her skin, like life wasn't so perplexing to her. Like she liked, or even loved, herself more. And she was aware of this, aware of her own changes, aware of her awareness.

    So she was even more beautiful, this calmer and lovelier version of herself. And she gives some credit to the WOW group, that the speakers and new friendships and the path we've taken has somehow allowed her to grow in a way that has led to this serenity and self-awareness. I was selfish when I put this group together, hoping to make new women friends and have new experiences while I healed from a broken relationship. You women of WOW have enhanced my life in countless ways - some of you I know well and others I hope to know better, but I have learned about myself from each of you, like each of you allows me to see myself in a different light, and I am a better person for the experience. And lucky me, to have all of you in my life, especially this one friend, someone so beautiful and caring who allows me to know her and feel joy in the changes in her life. And see myself through her eyes.

    September 4, 2006

    It's a process.

    We band together, we ladies, to have strength in our quest for "the one." We listen to life coaches together and talk about what we've learned. On our own, we read relationship books and we see a variety of therapists and we talk about our past loves with friends and we think we know it all. And that we can do it really well this time. And then we do it and it just isn't so.

    We can learn how to fight fair and be kind and compassionate. We can learn how to keep the spark alive and be sexy in bed. We can learn how to listen and how to share. And then we have the chance to do it and we don't do it so well.

    We meet someone and we are cautiously thrilled at how much we like them and how much they fit our list and how much they turn us on and how much we want them. And then all that closeness and intimacy opens some long-hidden door in our heart and brings out all the pain and sore places and touchy spots that really haven't healed, even though we were sure they did. And then, against our best intentions, we hurt each other. We hurt that person who has come to know us and maybe even love us and then we are so sad again, this time not just for our own pain but for causing pain to the other. And we want to run away, to stop feeling that long-hidden pain, but this time we don't.

    So maybe the best relationships aren't those that proceed without conflict or in which everyone is just happy all the time. Maybe relationships are the final place to heal, to be forced to visit those wounded places, this time in the arms of someone who really, really cares, someone who himself has felt that pain of loss and wants with all his heart to make it right this time. And who allows us to face those hidden areas of our heart without judgment, knowing that it allows him to face his demons too. So maybe the best relationships are those in which we really see each other clearly, both our wounded places and our healthy places, our faults and our fabulousness, and love each other anyway.

    September 1, 2006

    He wants to write our profile for us?!?!?

    We had our monthly WOW meeting last night and had the pleasure of having Evan Marc Katz ( as our speaker. Evan is a smart and funny guy who worked in a customer service position for the company that owns when he realized his niche - helping online daters write a profile that showed themselves in a light that would maximize their chances of meeting their sought-after mate. He's been on a multitude of talk shows and is the Harlequine love consultant for 2006 - he's certainly got an intuition about people and daters and a wonderful way with words.

    So I got to thinking. We spend countless meals at our favorite restaurants and even more long phone calls with our girlfriends, complaining about the problems with online dating, how the guys browse and browse and aren't honest and don't respond to our winks or come on too strong and then go away and how frustrated we are with the whole scene. And we're really saying that we long and yearn to be in the arms of someone who sees us for who we are and loves us in spite of it or because of it.

    So, not to be a salesman for Evan or someone like him, but doesn't it make sense to take the time and the money we spend on those sad dinners with the girls and therapy-shopping and whatever else we do to fill the void and pay someone to help us write our profiles? Geez, we get our nails done and our hair colored and go to the gym and look for clothes that are just sexy enough and don't think we should spend the money to make our profile fabulous?!? Sounds like we have more to gain than to lose. Maybe much more.