June 29, 2007

Finding Your Joy Spot.

Jae Gordon

We have speakers at our Wow meetings, people who teach and encourage and help us grow. I never planned for this, having Wow be a place to learn and change and challenge us, but it happened. My intention was to make new women friends at a time when I didn't want to date, and it has turned into a magical experience, each Wow meeting bringing the joy of making new friends and the pleasure of becoming closer with old friends, and the excitement of coming to know ourselves in a deeper and more meaningful way. Lots of big words there, and I didn't mean to sound lofty, but I think I'm trying to say that creating WOW and sharing in the lives of these beautiful women is a treasure I didn't anticipate. And for which I am deeply grateful. You ladies are all a blessing to me and I thank you.

What has put me in this joyful state? It was meeting Jae Gordon (http://www.jaegordon.com/) who joined us last night at our monthly WOW meeting and spoke about The Joy Spot! Jae is an accomplished woman, an attorney and author who has spent her life learning and growing and challenging herself, listening to that little voice inside of her and following her dreams. She is a loving and kind and joyful woman who was generous enough to take the busy freeways in Los Angeles to find my little house and share herself with a roomful of strangers. And change our lives in the process.

See, Jae writes that, in order to find joy, we must come to really know ourselves, to recognize those old scripts we learned from past experiences that have motivated our actions and kept us from creating the life that we really want. I'll let Jae tell it in her own words:

Seven Joyful Choices:
1) Own your choices - this emancipates and empowers you.
2) Be honest with yourself - undo conditioning and limiting beliefs.
3) Adjust your thinking - so that your life doesn't happen TO you, you make it happen.
4) Use your emotions as a guide, not a master.
5) Get quiet for a few minutes every day - so that the true you is revealed.
6) Listen to your body - it never lies.
7) Live in gratitude.

And Jae says to remember that:

--It's never too late to change your life - even tiny changes can be life-altering.
--Every day lived truly is worth a lifetime.
--Only YOU live your life.

Then Jae suggested that we think about how we would create our life, how our life would look, if there were no obstacles in our way. The ladies shared their lists and some said that they would be doing more volunteer work, they would have a delicious man who adored them at their side, that they would travel more, that they would live overlooking the ocean. And then we all realized that everything we listed as "wishful" was clearly obtainable and achievable, that we could really make those precious things a part of our lives NOW.

I remember years ago, sitting in a group of single men and women and being asked a similar question, what would we do with our lives if money and time were no object. I realized that I'd always wanted a college degree and a few years later, at the age of 42, I enrolled in my first college classes. It took me ten years to graduate and those years were full of excitement and challenges, and yes, joy for me. I received my diploma in the mail on my mother's last birthday, two days before her passing, and I haven't seen it since showing it to her. I can only imagine the pleasure she must have felt seeing the proof of my accomplishment in her last days. When we seek and fulfill our dreams, think of the ripples it creates in those around us, in those who are given courage by watching us walk through our fears, in others who are moved to achieve their dreams because we did, and in those who love us and want us to be happy.

So I say, Bravo to Jae! Thanks for your delightful company during dinner, thanks for allowing us to enjoy your friend Shannon, thank you for your wisdom, and thank you for sharing from your heart the lessons you have learned about living joyfully. I look forward to hearing about the joys your lessons will bring to my Wowettes who listened with their hearts to your inspiring words.

June 25, 2007

Etiquette, dating, and joy.

Dating! See that gorgeous '57 Chevy? That was the car to have when I was in High School in the mid 60s and here I am now with those adorable grandbabies, and I've been dating, off and on, since then!!!

I can't imagine any of us thought that we'd be dating in our 50s, but here we are, using online dating sites and going to dances and meeting guys that friends think are just right for us and we're still dating. I've had speakers to our meetings telling us how to date, what we should wear and how we should act and offering to write our profile for us, and that we should make lists of what we want and what we don't want, and on and on and on. We've been told to be let the guy lead, to be sweet and dainty, to not say yes to a weekend date if the guy calls after Wednesday, and we've been told when and when not to have sex. We've been told to be "the chooser," to make choices and not be led, to rule out guys for any slight infraction, and to busy ourselves so that not dating will be perfectly fine. Then we're told to just "be ourselves" and how the heck can I know just who that is if my head if swimming with all this conflicting information? To thine own self be true, my dad and Shakespeare used to say, but where am I in the midst of all this craziness?

And so still we're single and looking. We have that innate desire to bond, to find someone to love, to be loved in return, and we're in our 50s and still searching. I can almost feel the pain of this guy who writes in his profile: I am 50 years old and somewhat of a loner I have a harley have been married three times third time was no charm, but I believe there is the right women out there, and i am still looking for her. Don't you just want to find him some adorable biker chick and watch them ride happily into the sunset? And another guy writes I work each day at living in the “now” and finding love and balance in each moment. My life purpose is centered around helping others create a more spiritual world. I am romantic, but what is life without romance..Sensual with a desire to give and receive pleasure and I just wonder and wonder how some fabulous woman hasn't snapped him up! And we're all still looking.

I read another post on one of my favorite blogs by the Dating Goddess - Lessons, Stories, and Insights for Yummy Midline Dating - where she writes about Midline Dating Etiquettes. You'd think we'd already know not to talk on our cell phone while on a date, to be on time, to take a shower and wear clean clothes, to share the conversation, to not be critical, etc. etc. And then Coach Rory writes about a boat, how we strong and independent women have to act like we're on a boat on our date and to "let the guy row" without giving advice or telling him how to do it, that the most powerful position is to lean back and let him be the man. Most of us have spent our lives running business, running homes, taking care of others, and now we're supposed to just let go?

Then sometimes we meet someone and it's all easy, like we don't have to consult our friends or see our therapist or re-read all our self-help books. You laugh and have fun and learn about each other and realize that you are really very lucky to have met this person, that even spending a few hours together is magical. That you not only like and admire this person but you like who you are when he's around. That you have to think you must be a really nice person to have attracted someone of such quality. That the past heartaches were really just to teach you how to be someone who is good enough for this new special person and it was worth all the pain to get to this place. That all the dating and disappointment were just classroom experience so that you could have this kind of joy. So shine your shoes, write to a few more people online, ask that good-looking person to dance, and put a smile on your face. It might just all be worth it!

June 21, 2007

Deep breaths in warm water.

It's not always easy to live in the moment, to keep my head from listening to those thoughts that circle and clutch and get bigger and weirder and start to sound like reality. I remember years ago, I had nose surgery, OK a nose job. Just a little off the top, please, so it doesn't look like Barbra Streisand. I knew the doctor since he had excavated through some of our patients' noses so that my boss, the brain surgeon, could get to a pituitary tumor and I thought, if he could do that, he could take off a bump. Where was I going with this?!? Right. I've always liked to think about things, the what and the why and how of things in life, but I know it sometimes got me into trouble when my view of reality changed with my obsessive thinking. Oh, the nose job. The doctor injected surgical cocaine into my nose and for two days the screen was white. No chatter, no mental gossip, no fears, no nothing. Just a blank slate. I imagine that's why people use drugs, to silence the noise up there. Peaceful, that silence. I'm not sure where I was going with this again. I've just been in the pool, doing my laps in that 85 degree water, and I feel really relaxed, but I meant to say that we think too much. We worry, we think and we think and we call friends and ask questions and we read books and we call more friends and we just keep thinking about things. Or we just hold it all in, thinking to ourselves, and the thoughts grow bigger and weirder and then we hardly know what is real any more.

What brought this up? I had a surgical rep come in today, one of the guys who brings rods and screws and plates and pieces of bone to the operating room so that the docs (yes, neurosurgeons do brain AND spine surgery) could fuse the spines of those unlucky people with degenerative discs and instability and stuff like that. Ow. Don't worry, my patients do really well and go on to be able to bend and work and play with their kids. So this rep has seen the inside of zillions of spines and watched dozens of docs do this fancy work to people's vertebras. And what does he do for exercise? He runs. He knows it's bad for his back, all that pounding and pounding, but he does it because he's in a hurry to get it done. Even if he swims, he does it fast and has to listen to music in order to get it done. So something that can be pleasurable, a feel-good way to take care of our body and feel it move, has to be done fast to get it over. What's the hurry, I ask?

Are we in a hurry with other things? I read another blog today, http://www.datinggoddess.com/, a site with good advice and food for thought. The post was about how we meet someone and we immediately project, like we plan where we'll live with them and who will do the dishes and how the sex will be and stuff and don't even know yet about their character or their ethics or sense of humor or anything. Then, if we get to know the person and we find we aren't a match, it's a great big hairy disappointment since we've projected a whole life together and now it's not going to happen. Or we refuse to see the red flags because we don't want to give up the future that we've fabricated. In another blog of my friend Rookie, http://www.supersinglemixers.com/, where a guy, a nice guy who I happen to know and like, writes angrily about how ALL women take out their anger toward other men on him, how ALL women think that ALL guys are liars and drug users and cheaters and he's just really pissed off because he is an honest and ethical guy, which I believe to be true, and that women don't give him a chance to prove it. They have their minds made up and thus aren't able to see that really nice guy that's right in front of them. So it's that not being in the present, our head being in a different place than our body, that allows us to meet someone and think the worst or project a fantasy before we even know their last name or favorite movie and just paint a picture of them that could be sooooo wrong but we just decide that it's true. Ow again.

I'm still not sure what is the point here. Maybe it's to slow down and enjoy where we are. Really BE there. I could do my laps in that lovely warm pool and be thinking of work or money or that guy I like and I would completely miss the pleasure of swimming. What if you were getting a massage or engaging in some other spectacularly fun physical activity that I won't mention here and be thinking the whole time about sports or the laundry or that person at work who bugs you or does that guy really like me or what should I wear on my date and then miss it all. It'd be like going to a movie and falling asleep after the opening credits!?! You're there, but you miss it ALL! OK, I think I have a point here, that we need to slow down, maybe stop sometimes and just do nothing and just feel. Yep, use the senses. Just be there. Enjoy the moment. Let the thoughts happen and just watch them float away. Breathe. Eight counts in and eight counts out.

Remember that picture at the top of this post, those two adorable kids in their bright green floaties and matching goggles and that goofy poodle squinting in the sun but refusing to leave their side? Those are my twin grandchilden, ready to swim in my pool, and I was so busy making making sure I had everything I needed and that they had enough sun screen and that I wasn't going to rip the pool cover and whatever else was churning in my head that I really almost missed that amazingly silly shot of them, totally oblivious of how cute they looked, just delighted that they were wearing that silly stuff and waiting for me to tell them to jump in. I would have missed that, but I didn't and I'm glad. Here, that's my message - let's not miss those special moments in life by being somewhere else.

June 17, 2007

We are just Party animals!!!

I'm tooooooo tired to write. The 3rd Cocktail Party was last night and I've had THREE hours of sleep. But I just HAVE to write about it, how much fun it was and how amazing you all looked! I just HAVE to!!!

This is what happened. A bunch of my WoWettes met early for dinner at BJs before the Party. I had decided not to "work" at this Party but to just mix and mingle and dance and have fun, so the dinner was the time to tell the ladies, the greeters and name tagers, how to do their job. How tough is that, put out your hand, smile a big smile, and say welcome to the Party and then direct them to stop at the table with the ladies making the name tags. But get a group of us "girls" together for dinner and we're just going to laugh and giggle so hard that it's going to be tough to eat the meal! One of the ladies is usually too busy to go out, one is new to Wow, one is usually too shy to go to these Parties, one is just finding out her fabulousness after a long divorce - those were my volunteers and they were fun and funny and wonderful.

So, on to the Party where the Hilton guys had set us the tables with candles and tablecloths and where one of the bartenders greeted me saying I looked "more beautiful than ever." And it gets better! The Party crowd started to arrive, the band Felonius Funk started to play, my volunteer greeters and name-taggers did their tasks happily, and it was a Party! You all looked fabulous, the guys took a little bit of time getting up their courage to dance, and after a while you all just couldn't stop! What fun is this? Oh, did I mention the most deserving Wowette met the cutest guy in the room who clearly was smitten with her. Isn't he smart! Just as I was not going to work at this Party, I insisted that my very best helper Rookie (who does her own fabulously fabulous singles events at http://www.supersinglemixers.com/) take the night off to play, but she spent most of her time escorting you gorgeous ladies around to room to meet you handsome guys! And then she and I shared one little tiny bit of wine and, three sips later, got tipsy!!! I'm soooo not kidding! But I was determined that we just have fun and let the work go to the volunteers and we just danced and laughed and danced. Did I say that the coolest guy (oh, does he look good in a suit!) came to the Party just to dance with ME?!?!?

To all of you who asked me if I will do this again? Let me think. Do I want to spend another night listening to great music, surrounded by fabulous singles my age who kiss me and hug me and look like they're having the time of their lives, and dance until I drop? Yes! Let me get some sleep first, please, and we will Party once more! Until then, let the picture do the talking!

June 11, 2007

Meet your Party Hostesses!

We're having the 3rd Cocktail Party this Saturday night! The first two have been great fun, so here we go again! OK everybody, get your clean shirt or your dress from the cleaners and shine your dancing shoes - we're gonna party as late as we can! Since the parties have taken on a life of their own, I've decided to delegate my hosting duties to Volunteer WoWettes so that I can mingle and play and dance like all of you!!! These are the some of the faces you will see greeting you as you walk in the door to the Party!

This is what Kimberly wrote about herself:

Kimberly teaches journalism, filmmaking and literature on the high school level. She and her students publish a bi-weekly newspaper and produce a weekly TV show. She has two children, one of whom is currently her student. Her passion is travel, and her adventures have taken her to 42 states and 43 countries.

This is Jessica:

Professionally, Jessica is a professional organizer, lifestyle management consultant and blogger at It’s Not About Your Stuff, where she offers tips, stories and strategies on how to get her reader's life flowing more smoothly. Her organizing company In Perfect Order provides nuts and bolts decluttering and systems design techniques for clients in the Los Angeles area and worldwide. See more of Jessica's amazing wisdom and fun at www.itsnotaboutyourstuff.com
This is Rookie (no, she's not a real bunny, silly!):
She wrote: "Rookie of SuperSingleMixer fame will be helping again, expect her smiling face to greet you and make all feel welcome. Check out her bio and her info on her web site www.supersinglemixers.com
No, no, no, Rookie, you are NOT working at this Party. You've been my tireless assistant at ALL the Parties and you are not working this one! Not! You work REALLY hard to make sure YOUR parties are the best, so no working at this one!!! Just have fun!!! OK, all you guys, if you see Rookie doing anything that resembles being a hostess or if she's anywhere off the dance floor, it's your task to get her back dancing!
OK, so I'm right, that my WoWettes are fabulous? Gorgeous, smart, and fun, you can't beat that combination! And there are more of them! Plus guys and gals from at least two other singles groups! Do we know how to put on a party!?! If you don't know the details of the Party, like where it is (!) email me at wowthatellen@yahoo.com. And, if we survive all those hours of dancing, some of us will be going out for coffee or pie or breakfast (I just love breakfast at 1am!) so catch me at the Party and I'll tell you where we'll find that After Party Feast. Your single friends are welcome! Did I say I'm not going to work at this Party? That I'm going to dance all night? I said that, right? xo

June 10, 2007

"Goldilocks In The City" by WoWette Pam

This is a special treat, a guest post by our lovely and sweet and generally fabulous WoWette Pam (Yes, that's her in the picture!):

Goldilocks in the City

Chapter One: The past to the present

Once upon a time, there was a grown girl named Goldilocks. She had been married for 24 years and now was on her own. She went looking for men to date in the city. Pretty soon, she came upon 3 men. They liked each other and so she made dates to meet them each for coffee.
Goldilocks met the first man for a coffee date. As they sipped their coffee, they talked. Goldilocks was happy to meet a nice man. After talking for a short while, Goldilocks became concerned "This man is too hot!" she exclaimed. He is angry about his divorce, he is angry with his boss, he is angry with his life. He is not much fun.

So, she met the second man for coffee. "This man is too cold," she said after they had talked for a bit. He has no feelings, no emotions, he has no remorse for past misdeeds. He is as cold as stone.

So, she made a date with the last man. "Ahhh, this man seems right," she said happily and they talked and laughed all afternoon. They dated for a year and had a good time, but something just did not fit. He wanted a life that she did not. And so they smiled politely and said good-bye.

After drinking all this coffee Goldilocks decided she was feeling a little tired. She took a break from dating. After a bit, she went to a cocktail party where she met three men. Goldilocks talked to the first man. "This man is too big!" she exclaimed. He is only talking about himself! He is bragging and talking too much. Goldilocks felt bored. She felt invisible.

So she talked to the second man. "This man is too small!" she whined. He can not make eye contact with me and is not very sure of himself. I think I scare him. And I’m much taller than him.
So she talked to the last man. "Ahhh, this man seems right," she sighed. They talked and danced all night. But, after a wonderful year, just as she settled down with the man believing they might spend their life together, the relationship broke into pieces! Goldilocks was sad but thankful she learned before it was too late this man was not right after all.

Goldilocks was very tired by this time, so she went home and reflected on all the nice men she had met and loved. She realized more clearly than ever what kind of man she wanted to find. He is strong, confident but not boastful. He can give and receive love without expectations or conditions. He has goals and purpose in his life and ambition to make them happen. He is able to accept and forgive the disappointments and failures in his past and lives squarely in the present. If he’s out there Goldilocks said to herself, I’ll find him. Goldilocks is very stubborn and determined.

So, she went back through the woods, into the city to find nice men to date. She met many terrific gentlemen, but some were too cold, some too hot, some too tall, some too small. Pretty soon, she came upon 3 men she liked. They liked her too and so she made dates to meet them. She made a dinner date with the first man she met, but he was too hardened. He did not smile much, he did not laugh at her bad jokes, and he was not nice to the waitress. He was not much fun to be around.
Then she made a date with the second man, but he was too soft. He had no opinions, no visions, no dreams for his future. Goldilocks wondered where he was going. He did too.

Chapter Two: The Future

Then she made a date with the third man and he was just right!! He was not too hard or too soft, not too tall or too small and he was not too hot or too cold. But the most important thing of all, he loved Goldilocks in spite of all her quirkiness. And she fell in love with him too, in spite of his quirks. Goldilocks fell asleep in his arms….and they lived happily ever after……


Moral of the Story:

There are many wonderful men in the city, but just because they are nice does not mean they are right for you. To find the man who fills your soul with joy, you may need to date many, many men.

June 9, 2007

Does a First Date have to be Horrible?

A first date. I'm not gonna say how long it's been since I've had one of those, but it's been a while. It's so easy to hide in my parties or going out with the girls, just be one of a group and there's just no pressure to behave properly or say the right thing or be charming. But I've got one soon so I'm doing research on what others think of it. I know a friend who recently went on her first date in a long time and her comment is that she'd rather stick a fork in her eye or have a root canal than do that again. But I like men, especially fine men, and I just think there's gotta be a way to make this not so anxiety-provoking.

So I put in "first date" and searched the internet for ideas about how to survive and maybe even have a good time and what do I find? Site after site with information for the guys! Don't people know that men don't read these things?!? On AskMen.Com, I found "7 Things Women Expect on a First Date." I was a little skeptical, considering that other articles listed on that site include: NBA Finale Matchups, How to make your name professionally, How to dump a woman, and 14 oral sex tips. OK, let's be open-minded, I tell myself. Some of the Seven Tips? 1) Go the extra mile- or two: Skip the flowers and bring her a copy of your favorite book or a bouquet of lollipops, 2) Be polite, not pushy: Chew with your mouth closed, open the door for her, avoid any stories that involve vomit or secretions of any sort (no matter how funny or appropriate you think they are), 4) Be complimentary - try to find something nice to say about her appearance, considering that she's likely spent hours primping and preparing, 3) Don't end the date with a high-five. OK, you get the picture.

Gotta think that grown men know these things, doncha? Then another men's site says that men equate "not scoring" on a first date to losing a video game and that they tell their friends this with a look equal to seeing "someone run over by a truck." It also tells the guys that "on first dates, women analyze every little thing their date does...that the way they handle this high stress situation, like do they sweat or fidget or stutter, is an indication of their character." In the same paragraph, it tells men that the only way to prevent a women from judging them negatively is to "make the woman comfortable, act natural, don't pretend you're something you're not..." And we ladies think it's tough for us!

I never quit. Another site said that a first date can be "very scary and intimidating...that our minds are overcome with fear and insecurities and we cave in to those emotions." Now I'm thinking, why in the world would ANYONE have a first date!!! It says we're "scared of rejection, afraid of failure, nervous about saying the wrong thing, and anxious about what our date will say about us...leading us to the most uncomfortable situation where we feel a terrible lack of confidence, all stressed out, angry and frustrated..." And we're supposed to "act natural." How is that possible? Why would anybody ever go out?

It goes on to say that inevitably, in the midst of this obvious horror story of a date, we will have "awkward silences" and that the solution is Conversation Starters! That having an "arsenal" of conversation starters makes it "very easy" to keep the conversation going, but listen to their suggestions!!! Talk about horror!!! "Has any book had a major impact on you? What was the best bargain you ever found? Who are your cult heroes and why? What would be the title of your biography?" Sorry, if I have to resort to questions like that, I'm gonna just stay home.

So what's the solution? It seems that having a partner and a lover is a natural need for us humans, but it also seems like getting one is a mountain much too hard to climb. I've had these singles parties recently and dozens and dozens of people tell me they're glad to meet new people and hope to meet the person of their dreams, so there must be lots and lots of first dates happening. I remember years ago, after dating a guy for long enough to get into bed, I thought that first time sex was so intimidating, all those body issues, performance issues, expectations, etc, and that it would be a good idea to just tell the guy to just get it over with fast and then we could go on to make it fabulous the next time. I wonder if first dates could be like that, tell each other that it's scary or whatever and get those emotions out of the way so that you both could enjoy getting to know each other. I'm open to suggestions.

June 7, 2007

Is there a Hungry Girl Dinner?

I'm kinda pissed off. Hard to know since you can't see me, but I'm pissed off. Peaceful, calm, soft-voiced and controlled me, pissed off. See, I read a post, a good and well-written post, in another blog and at the time I read it, I thought it made sense and that I should take the advice to heart. See, she writes that we should never go grocery shopping when we're hungry because we'll just go crazy buying food that's bad for us and that we wouldn't buy when we're not hungry. I get that, I really do. Then, she takes that and applies it to dating, saying that we should not date when we're "dating hungry" because we'll fall for someone that is very wrong for us just because we're so hungry.

Now, how in the world does that translate? Is it me or is she nuts? Let's think about it logically, OK? She says to keep really, really busy doing fun and meaningful things so that our lives will be rich and fulfilling and then we won't be hungry and do something we shouldn't with the wrong guy. Sorry, I don't get it. If I'm hungry for a steak, no amount of hamburger or chicken will do, I will still want that steak. If I'm craving See's candy, a Mars bar just won't take care of that need. So, just exactly how does having a rich and fulfilling life make us not hungry to be surrounded by some gorgeous testosterone-laden guy who smells good and wants us? Let's try this another way. I've just been to a barbeque and filled up, I mean stuffed myself, with dogs and fries and watermelon and cake and then I drive by Black Angus and, believe me, I still want that steak. Or, I've eaten all the oreos in the local Von's and am feeling like Porky Pig and my jeans hardly button and a patient brings me a box of milk chocolate See's candy and, no question about it, I'm gonna snarf down some of those goodies. Get it? Am I right? Yes?

OK, what's got this chick in a tizzy, you might ask? You know me, I'm a busy girl with a fun and exciting social life, of my own making I might add, but still I'm doing stuff. Got those parties and those girls' nights out and working and taking the grandbabies to the park and talking on the phone to the girls and whatever and whatever and I'm busy, right? But how in the world, just how I ask, does all that make me not want a good-looking and fine-smelling guy to wrap his big strong arms around me and whisper something sexy in my ear? It just doesn't compute, no matter how you look at it. One does not, I repeat, does not make me not hungry for the other. No, it does not.

Oh, I forgot to say what brought this to the surface. Sit down. Take a breath. Think peaceful thoughts. Here goes: I've got a date on Sunday with an attractive man. With a good mind. Kinda on the same path in life as me. Who kinda gets me already. Got the picture? And I'm supposed to not want him because I'm a busy, happy, socially active girl? That's all I can say here. Ya gotta help me. Hungry? Yep. Wanna do the wrong thing? Nope! OK, all of you, what's a hungry girl to do?

I think too much.

I want to write, but I'm not so sure what I'm supposed to say. Maybe just that sometimes life is good. I am a believer that life is tough and that we sometimes have to suffer through difficulties, but lately life is good for me. I'm getting email after email from the Partygoers who attended last Sunday's Concert in the Park, telling me how much they enjoyed the event and thanking me for making this all happen. I'm delighted, just delighted to know that I may have brought a few minutes of sunshine to single people in my age group. I can't believe that when we were little kids thinking about our futures, we'd imagine ourselves in our fifties being single and alone. I know that many of us thought we'd marry the man or woman of our dreams, live in a house in the suburbs, have two beautiful kids, and live happily-ever-after. But think about it, if I was still living that fairy tale, the current events of my life would never have happened. Even if I had been in a long term romantic relationship in the past few years, I likely would not have created the women's group and these singles parties. Think of the fun and joy I would have missed!

I don't think many of you know this, but I have a tendency to be a recluse, you know just come home and crawl under the covers and watch a movie or read a good book and never leave the house. One of the new ladies to my group admitted to me that it is really hard for her to join our events and she has to push herself to go. I told her that I imagine that for most of us, this is really tough stuff, that it sure would be easier to stay in my jammies under the covers and not go out. But a really nice guy reminded me at the Concert that we really do need people and, every time I do go out and have a good time, I am reminded just how life-giving it is to socialize, to meet like-minded people, to even just dance like a crazy person to some cool music.

Something I've learned recently has really helped me with all of this. It's so simple. I think too much. I'll get a feeling or emotion and I think about it and dwell on it and sometimes it just creates havoc in my life, causing me fear or anxiety and makes me want to retreat. I have a wonderful new friend who is out on a date tonight (with a really sweet guy she met at the Concert!!!) and she called me in the middle of it, wondering why she was feeling fear and trepidation. I told her to stop thinking, to bring herself back to the moment, to be an observer of what was happening, and not to miss one minute of this neat guy telling her that she was beautiful and wonderful. And she is beautiful and wonderful and a true blessing in my life, but when she thinks of what's wrong with her instead of what's so good, she misses opportunities for joy. Instead of realizing our true worth, we think and think and our body believes what we're thinking is true and then we're a wreck. We think and we miss what's lovely in our lives. And what we think isn't necessarily true, especially for us ladies who tend to miss the positive because we are so busy being negative about ourselves, like we're fat or we're not good enough or we're too old or we'll never meet someone we like, all the time the guy we're with thinks we're a Goddess! Geez, it's like having a massage and thinking about something else and missing the whole thing. Like it never happened because we weren't there. Thinking too much is like that, being somewhere else while good things are happening. We miss so much when we're listening to our heads. Look at that lady in the picture, dancing in a park, not embarassed, just doing what she feels like in that very moment of time. That's what I'm talking about.

So maybe that's the message I want to share today, to live in the moment and stop believing what your head is thinking. Dwell on what's fabulous about you. Maybe we're so busy making lists of the qualities we want in a mate, we neglect to take stock of the amazing qualities we ourselves possess. And maybe if we'd realize what beautiful and lovely and smart and valuable people we are, we'd attract similar people and find what we've been searching for all along. Maybe if we'd really, truly love ourselves, love our good qualities and our flaws, we'd allow someone equally fabulous to love us, too. Ah, that sounds so good. Let's do it.

June 4, 2007

Music, Dessert, and You!

I love to write. You must know that by now. And, as a "writer," I love words. Big words, little words, words that sound funny, words that allow me to say what I'm thinking or feeling, I just love words. But words about today's concert?!? Can't find the right ones! Fabulous and fun, surprising and crowded, delicious and amazing? Great words, but not quite enough to describe the day!

We had the First Concert In The Park for my Party List and it was all the above words and more! It's always quite an experience to get to the site of an event, set up the stuff, and stand back and watch what happens. One by one the nicest people show up and, after a very short time, you all create energy that is fun and exciting and full of life. People ask me why I make the effort to create events like this? YOU are why.

You were the nicest people, guys and gals alike! My heartfelt thanks to the many of you I'd never met before who commented to me about this blog, saying that you look forward to my posts. Thanks to the guy who said I write the nicest emails to the Party Group. Thanks to those of you who said kind things about me, even though you many have only read my words and this was the first time we've met. Thanks to the ladies who brought the yummiest desserts to share. Thanks to the guys who looked so good in your most casual clothes and took the time to walk around and meet the ladies. Thanks to Rookie of www.supersinglemixers.com who continues to teach me how to have successful parties and works tirelessly to greet our guests and make them feel welcome. Thanks to John from "the other group" who clearly made a point to be gracious to me. Big hugs to George who carried my chairs and table from my car to the park and to Chuck who shared his dinner with me and carried his stuff and my stuff to my car when the party was over. Special thanks to Kim who brought the most beautiful roses to share and to "Opus" who, true to his word, brought carnations for the ladies. You were all just wonderful. Wonderful.

People ask me why I do this, spend my time, effort, and some money creating these free events. This is why, to spend several hours watching single people our age having such fun. Every where I looked, my Partygoers were talking to people they had just met and I heard that at least two my beautiful ladies were asked out by really nice guys. I created an event where people my age were comfortable enough to mix and mingle and had what sure looked like a really, really fun time! My heart is touched by the beauty of all of you. Thanks for making my parties so much fun. I wish I could hug you and tell each of you how much I appreciate your enthusiasm and how much pleasure I get from watching you have fun. I wish I could tell you each how special and terrific you are. I just don't have the words.