Etiquette, dating, and joy.

Dating! See that gorgeous '57 Chevy? That was the car to have when I was in High School in the mid 60s and here I am now with those adorable grandbabies, and I've been dating, off and on, since then!!!

I can't imagine any of us thought that we'd be dating in our 50s, but here we are, using online dating sites and going to dances and meeting guys that friends think are just right for us and we're still dating. I've had speakers to our meetings telling us how to date, what we should wear and how we should act and offering to write our profile for us, and that we should make lists of what we want and what we don't want, and on and on and on. We've been told to be let the guy lead, to be sweet and dainty, to not say yes to a weekend date if the guy calls after Wednesday, and we've been told when and when not to have sex. We've been told to be "the chooser," to make choices and not be led, to rule out guys for any slight infraction, and to busy ourselves so that not dating will be perfectly fine. Then we're told to just "be ourselves" and how the heck can I know just who that is if my head if swimming with all this conflicting information? To thine own self be true, my dad and Shakespeare used to say, but where am I in the midst of all this craziness?

And so still we're single and looking. We have that innate desire to bond, to find someone to love, to be loved in return, and we're in our 50s and still searching. I can almost feel the pain of this guy who writes in his profile: I am 50 years old and somewhat of a loner I have a harley have been married three times third time was no charm, but I believe there is the right women out there, and i am still looking for her. Don't you just want to find him some adorable biker chick and watch them ride happily into the sunset? And another guy writes I work each day at living in the “now” and finding love and balance in each moment. My life purpose is centered around helping others create a more spiritual world. I am romantic, but what is life without romance..Sensual with a desire to give and receive pleasure and I just wonder and wonder how some fabulous woman hasn't snapped him up! And we're all still looking.

I read another post on one of my favorite blogs by the Dating Goddess - Lessons, Stories, and Insights for Yummy Midline Dating - where she writes about Midline Dating Etiquettes. You'd think we'd already know not to talk on our cell phone while on a date, to be on time, to take a shower and wear clean clothes, to share the conversation, to not be critical, etc. etc. And then Coach Rory writes about a boat, how we strong and independent women have to act like we're on a boat on our date and to "let the guy row" without giving advice or telling him how to do it, that the most powerful position is to lean back and let him be the man. Most of us have spent our lives running business, running homes, taking care of others, and now we're supposed to just let go?

Then sometimes we meet someone and it's all easy, like we don't have to consult our friends or see our therapist or re-read all our self-help books. You laugh and have fun and learn about each other and realize that you are really very lucky to have met this person, that even spending a few hours together is magical. That you not only like and admire this person but you like who you are when he's around. That you have to think you must be a really nice person to have attracted someone of such quality. That the past heartaches were really just to teach you how to be someone who is good enough for this new special person and it was worth all the pain to get to this place. That all the dating and disappointment were just classroom experience so that you could have this kind of joy. So shine your shoes, write to a few more people online, ask that good-looking person to dance, and put a smile on your face. It might just all be worth it!