Sex, Chocolate, and Other Cravings.

Some-

times I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. So I turn on the TV and watch some of the infomercials, which are seriously way too perky at that time of night but I'm always fascinated at how they advertise a new book or a new seminar that will cure all your ills or make you rich or attract the perfect mate if you just call them with your credit card number. I don't believe it, sorry, life is never that easy.

So I invited Darlene Basch LCSW with the topic "sex, chocolate, and other cravings - how to lead a satisfying life." But Darlene I do believe, so let me tell you why. Of course, dark chocolate is a drug, or a combination of 300 substances, that can act like caffeine or amphetamines, increasing our dopamine and seratonin levels, creating a feeling of well being. Which, of course, can be addictive, and she says that it is mostly women who find themselves craving chocolate. There are also health benefit since dark chocolate has antioxidants like berries and black and green tea that decrease our risk of heart disease, lower our blood pressure, and strengthen the cells in the lining of our blood vessels. But it's important to ask ourselves "what are we craving and what need are we trying to satisfy?"

Apparently, cravings silence the part of the brain that controls judgement. Repeatedly indulging in what we crave further intensifies the craving, as the brain remembers the pleasurable experience and the cravings become unconscious. But the cravings are usually out attempts to fill our needs for affection, human contact, and unmet longings from childhood. And chocolate and other cravings and addictions don't meet these needs, no matter how enjoyable the pleasure is temporarily.

So if chocolate, sex, and other cravings don't bring real satisfaction, what are Darlene's steps to leading a satisfying life?

1) Be in the present - focus on what's happening at the moment.

2) Get to know yourself - explore your passions. Ask what makes your heart sing?

3) Eliminate repetitive, negative thinking - each time a negative thought comes up, reframe it in a positive way.

4) Write in a journal - Use paper without lines and a flowing ink pen and make entries in times of upset and times of joy.

5) Say affirmations - create a short list of positive statements about yourself and repeat daily while looking into a mirror.

6) Do physical exercise - take vigorous ten minute walks three times a day, go to the gym, take yoga classes, hike or dance.

7) Connect with a supportive friendship circle - speak or meet daily with at least one person who encourages you to move forward.

8) Live in gratitude - each morning when you rise and/or before going to sleep, write down or say out loud three or more things about which you are grateful.

9) Participate in meaningful activities - Volunteer. Make a difference in your work place, your community, your family.

These are all suggestions we've heard before individually, but Darlene has put them together to make this complete list of how to live a conscious, grateful, and giving life. We have only this one chance to enjoy life and make the world a better place and Darlene has given us the steps to make it happen. I liked Darlene immediately with her gentle manner, her everpresent smile, and her kind and thoughtful words. Being happy is a decision and Darlene's steps are a path. You can reach her at her website http://www.transformationaltherapy.com/ or email Dbasch@aol.com!

And how to have a satisfying sex life? Can't forget this part! Darlene says to eat dark chocolate before sex, of course. And, contrary to what I've read and heard, Darlene says to be present for ourselves. Yes, if we seek to make sex good for ourselves, we will communicate more about what pleases us, and this will encourage our partner to do the same. She also said that we can love with an open heart and open pelvis, with the feelings flowing from one to another, which is how we are in the beginning of a romantic relationship. If we feel betrayed by the other person, or if we carry memories of betrayal from past relationships into this new one, we will retreat and stop the flow between the heart and the pelvis. The point is to find someone, and be someone, who will continue to be open to both.

Darlene ended our presentation with a five minute meditation. We relaxed. We got in touch with our selves and our bodies, connected with our hearts, and visualized spreading love throughout the world. Thanks to Darlene, we know that chocolate has health benefits, that we should find out what we are trying to fix through our cravings, that we can stay open to love each other, and that we can bring peace and love to each other and the world. Thanks, Darlene, for your generous gift of your time and of yourself - you have helped us down our path to be better women, lovers, and human beings.