I might do it again, differently.

Ok, don't faint. Sit down. Breathe deeply. Here goes: I'm thinking about dating again. I've talked to someone I enjoy on the phone and I think I'd like to meet him. He seems smart and self-aware and caring, and that's a good start. I might meet him, I really might.

So just at the same time that I'm having these thoughts, I get emails about dating and the mistakes women make. I had just been thinking how I'm really smarter now about picking men and how I can learn about them and watch for red flags without letting my emotions or hormones get in the way and I get all these reminders that maybe I'm not so together after all. So, of course, I'm going to share my newfound knowledge with all of you.

First, from Carol Chanel at Rockin' Relationships (www.carolchanel.com) I get "Six Common Mistakes Women Make in Relationships and What Women Should Do Instead." Mistakes? Women have troubling saying and setting boundaries; women are nice but nice has a price; women settle for crumbs in their relationships or good when they could have great; women have lost touch with, or never gave themselves permission, to be spicey, saucy, and hot; women take things personally which causes them to react to what people say or do and then feel badly about themselves; and women tend to let their negative self-talk convince themselves they aren't so desirable. What to do instead? Learn to say no and mean it. Don't be too nice, but set limits and stick to them - be kind and firm. Don't settle for just good, hold out for great - make a list of ideal partner qualities, traits, and characteristics and don't settle for less. Get back in touch with the part of ourself that is spicy, saucy, and hot - it's so much more fun. Don't take things personally, it's never about you - don't waste time with anger or being hurt and remember that people say and do things because of their own wounds. And finally, STOP saying ANYTHING negative about yourself - how we think is a choice, so we should make a choice to be positive. Now that's a really smart women with very practical ways for us to get healthy. In dating and in all of life.

And then from Adventures in Delicious Dating after 40 (see the link in WoWorthy links to the left), I read "Are you date-sated --- or hungry?" Remember how we're told to only go grocery shopping when we're not hungry? She says it's the same thing with dating, that we should fill our lives with friends and fun activities so that we won't be tempted to pick the wrong guy when we're lonely, bored, or horny. I like that idea. See, I'm busy with the parties and the group and seeing my new women friends, aren't I?

And yet I remember a relationship counselor who spoke at a WOW meeting last year and said we should remember "The Rules." Yep, I do remember those well. I wrote a paper in college when that book came out a few years ago, detailing the immorality of each of those rules. Don't call him, say you're busy when you're not if he calls too late, make him pay for everything, let him think you're dating someone else too. And we did have a relationship therapist speak to our group last year, sort of a modern version of the same Rules, saying that we should sit back in our chair at dinner with him and make him lean in to us, we should date four or five guys at once so that we don't seem needy, we should always hang up the phone first. Hard to think that women are still playing games, just scary at our age.

I have to think, and hope, that we really are past those kind of games, that we are willing now to just be ourselves and let the guy be himself and see what happens. It's so simple, just showing up and listening and paying attention and being a good companion. Shouldn't friendship and intimacy just follow that? If we are not real when we first meet, what happens when we can no longer keep up the pretense? If we want to play games, how in the world can we remember them all and what kind of person does that make us when we do?

The best advice on dating lately is from my new friend Rookie of www.SuperSingleMixers.com who said that we should give up "D" words, like dieting and dating. Instead, we should just choose to eat healthfully and invite the guys we find appealing to meet us and a friend at a fun place, where we can laugh and be ourselves and enjoy each other without all the awkwardness and interviewing of a date. I'm gonna see if this new guy has some single guy friends - anyone want to join us?