Bugs and parties and flowers.

I'm home today with a bit of a bug, feeling guilty about missing work. Is this a chick thing? I work for a couple of docs who never take a day off, never, so they don't understand when one of us gets sick and stays home. They are very dedicated docs, but I have to go through this whole thing of dealing with my guilt when I get sick. Thanks to my beautiful curly-haired daughter's words today, I'm going to think of it as my body telling me something. That I need to rest and relax and let it heal. 'Nuff said.

Sorry about any negativity in that last post. I hear some people think I really don't like men or that I don't want one of my own, but that's just not true. And I heard that my best friend who moved to another state told my daughter that she and I have learned to live alone and that we like it. I really enjoy my home, my yard, my stuff, I really do. I partied a lot in my younger days, and have good memories, and sometimes I think I 'should' be doing those fun things again. But life changes and we change and I'm enjoying the quiet and calm in my home.

I've also heard people say that I have a stake in staying single and unconnected, since I write this blog about being single. I hate to defend myself, but let's just say that, if I connected with a great guy I could just write about that, what it's like to be in a new and developing relationship. I like being alone and I like having a guy around, and I have to think it is possible to have both. It just hasn't been the right time. If I had been in a relationship, I wouldn't have created WOW, I wouldn't have met all these amazing women, I wouldn't have heard all these insightful speakers, and I wouldn't have created the Cocktail Party Experiment. I will never know the effects of the friendships and speakers and parties on anyone else, but I have to think they have had some positive and good effects on at least a few people, and I'm glad for that.

So what's the point here? Maybe I should stop thinking, like it says in the book my daughter loaned me, "Way of the Peaceful Warrior." The mind and thinking are what get's up into trouble and brings anxiety and discomfort, it says, among other things. The "Secret" says that what we think we will create, and isn't that the opposite of the Warrior? In the last few years, I've been aware that there seems to be a pattern to my life, that situations and circumstances I've faced seem to all have a lesson for me and a purpose. I'm not religious, but I've come to believe that there really is someone or something that is trying to teach me about life and about myself and that I just have to be conscious about being on this path, allowing myself to see the lessons I'm supposed to learn.

I used to think I had to "make things happen." That it was my energy and planning that created my life. Now, I think it's important to be quiet and listen to that little voice inside of me telling me what path to take, what actions to pursue, what people to allow into my life. So the Party seems to be one of those things that I'm supposed to do. I hope it's fun for everyone and a positive experience for all. And maybe I'll meet the next and hopefully last guy of my life that night. Or maybe it's not time yet. Meanwhile, I'll take it moment by moment, stopping to smell the flowers like my little almost 4-year-old curly-haired granddaughter in the picture above.