Two bad guys and me.

I hear it again and again. "Hello, I checked your website and read about you. Hmm. I like your pic. I don't understand why you're single?" How am I supposed to answer that question? What could I say, that I haven't met the right guy, although I've already been married and divorced? That I'm too picky, which is probably true but who wants to settle at this age. That they are no great guys out there, which I refuse to believe, considering the quite terrific guys who have attended my recent Cocktail Parties.

I prefer to think that there are just OTHER things I'm supposed to be doing with my time, like spending time with my new women friends, taking the grand babies to the park or doing puzzles with them, and hosting these single get-togethers. I love that about my life, how if I just listen to my gut or wherever it is that talks to me, I just have such interesting adventures. And I like doing these things without wondering or plotting or hoping what the outcome should be. I just do what I think I should be doing and sit back and see what happens. Like the upcoming June 3rd Concert in the Park. Again, there are dozens and dozens of people I haven't yet met who are planning to attend. The music will be great, the ladies are bringing desserts to share, and there will be a whole crowd of people for me to meet. Could be Prince Charming there, who knows? (If you want details of the Concert Event, let me know.) So I'm not one to ask for much for myself. I had this conversation today with a friend, that we are givers and not takers and that it's tough for us to ask for things. Maybe we are just content people, just happy with whatever life brings us. Not that we're passive and don't take action, we're actually some of the most proactive people I know.

That brings me to what happened this weekend. I went out with a girlfriend to meet a guy friend of hers and his weekend guest for dancing. I really though it was just a group thing, that we'd all just mix and visit with the crowd, but it turned out I spent most of the evening with the visiting guy and what an experience that was! He was totally and completely different from any guy I'd ever met and a real opposite from the usual LA guys. From what I'd been told beforehand, I thought I might not like him because he might be somehow offensive, having a less-than-upright background, but I immediately found him quite charming. OK, maybe he was the ultimate "bad boy" but he was a real gentleman and honest to the core. He just told it like it was, said whatever he was thinking, and had no pretensions about offending anyone. He had an opinion and you heard it, no matter what, but oddly I found myself agreeing with him. Big, tough guy with a heart the size of Texas. But it was particularly interesting that, amidst his almost crude opinions on everything, he stopped to tell me what he thought of me and I was quite taken aback. He said that, under my calm and feminine exterior, he saw a exciting woman underneath. He also said that I was the kind of woman who just took whatever happened and made the best of it and that I didn't care about a guy's bank account or what he was, that I just looked at who he was inside. Now, that's the kind of person I WANT to be and that he saw that in me was quite endearing. The "bad boy" was really a nice guy after all.

And then I did a "first meeting" with another guy I connected with on an online service. Another bad guy, this time in law enforcement. Really nice guy, but it was hard for me to find out who he really was. It's almost like LA guys, and probably LA ladies, think way too hard about their image, how they want others to see them, instead of being real. It was like he wanted to say the right thing and was upset if he thought I took something the wrong way, so unlike the previous bad guy who just told it like he saw it. Like we're all trying to impress other people, rather than trusting that the person we really are is quite good enough. What did this guy say about me? That I was "unusual." Is that good, I asked? Not bad, he said, which I don't exactly take as a compliment. He also said that maybe men were afraid of me, but he wouldn't explain that. Maybe he's afraid of me. Maybe I'm too honest and real. Maybe that's hard for the guys who are tap dancing out there, trying to be what everyone wants them to be, instead of who they really are.

That again brings me to the "why am I single" question. Seriously, I am happy with my life. I get lonely like everyone else, because that what humans do. But I do like having that connection with someone who knows me and understands me and appreciates who I really am. That's the sort of thing that helps take away the pain of life, having someone really know who we are and love us anyway. So I'm here to tell you that I'd love to have a great guy in my life, one who is honest and sensitive and can appreciate me. One who will let me know the real guy inside of him and love him because of it. One who will hold me when I'm sad and make me laugh when we play. I really would like all of that. I really would. Meanwhile, I'm gonna plan more parties!