Do men have Bond envy?

Just got back from seeing Casino Royale, the new James Bond movie, with some friends. I was thinking that maybe men secretly yearn to be Bond, that dashing and handsome agent who always gets the bad guys, fights but never gets really hurt, and always easily woos the most beautiful women. Imagine a life where you guys succeed at your job and the women you desire never say no?

There was every guy-movie cliche, from a death by bullet and another by drowning in a bathroom sink before the credits,the chase high up in scaffolding, the chase through the jungle, and the first view of the first exotically beautiful woman at the beach in a skimpy swim suit climbing off a white horse. Still it was a fun movie to watch and that new James Bond? Ah, the chest, the abs, the pecs, and the deep blue eyes! No, I'm not drooling, thank you, but he was something to look at, for sure. Yet, he was the epitome of the "bad boy" whose charms we have learned to avoid, the cold unattainable hunk that woos us even though we know better. Another of the stunningly beautiful women, coincidentally the one he worked with to catch the terrorists, said that he thought of women as "disposable pleasures instead of meaningful pursuits." We need to remember that phrase when the next "bad boy" shows up in our lives, ladies.

So my dear single women friends, here's to a year of good health, great movies, lots of time with each other, and the wisdom to know the difference between the "bad boys" and the really good men.

Another year older and....

It's my birthday, you know, and what a day! My day started with a phone call at 5:15 a.m. that woke me up but I couldn't find the phone in time to answer it and couldn't go back to sleep. It was a tough day at work, ending me losing and then finding checks worth more than I can count and then I had the pleasure of seeing probably the year's best movie with a woman friend who is really like a soul-sister to me...I just feel really good.

I'm older...People keep wishing me a Happy New Year and I keep saying, wait, it's my birthday...It's a strange time of year to have a b'day, after Christmas and Hanukah and before New Years when everyone is tired and out of money and low on energy and just wanting to coast...But it was one of my happiest ones ever.

An old boyfriend emailed and wrote that he hoped I find what I am looking for in the New Year. It made me realize that, for the first time in memory, I am no longer "looking" for anything, but enjoying my life and just willing to experience what it brings me next. I am just content with what I have and who I am. Not that I've found the answers to all of life's questions, but maybe I no longer need to know. And that I just am so very happy with what I have right now. This minute. Lovely place to be, just lovely.

I had several different birthday celebrations with women friends this year, lucky me. Each a happy and joyful time, especially last night with the WOW ladies. I look around at the women in the group and just marvel at how different they are, yet how they each embrace their life and their womanliness so passionately. And how they seem to relish the company of other women so openly and joyfully.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am happy. Life for me this year has been difficult at work and personally, but I am happy. Happy to be alive to feel pain and joy, happy that I have my sight and my hearing and my intellect, happy to have old friends that have loved me through fun and tough times and new friends that I am growing to love. Happy that my daughter is living a good and rich life and that my grandchildren are my greatest pleasure. Happy that my son-in-law takes good care of them and surprised me with a new wireless computer keyboard and mouse all set up and ready to go. Happy that I have a job that is fulfilling and provides for my needs. Happy that I'm alive.

Kinda corny, I know. But am I looking to find what I want? No, I have everything I need and am rich beyond measure. Thanks to all of you for celebrating this birthday with me - I treasure the memories of your smiles and laughs and hugs.

Wanna be a chick magnet?

OK, I admit I’m on Vicodin, having pulled something in my back wrapping Christmas presents. Don’t laugh, it happens. But now I’m in the mood, drugged though it is, to tell you guys using online dating sites how to get a woman. I know, you’re old enough to know how, but is it working?!? Ever think about how what you’re doing just isn’t getting you the lady of your dreams? Listen, it’s sooooo easy, so really easy to get us to want you, but if I tell you, will you get it?!? In the interest of all single women out there, I have to try. Here goes:

1) First, when you read a profile you like, don’t do that “icebreaker” or “flirt” thing, you know the ones that have a cute ready-made line (“I’m looking for a serious relationship, are you?” or “We have a lot in common – don’t you agree?”) and you just click on it and it goes to us. Geez, I hate that! Make up something! Say something about our profile that will make us think you actually read it and liked us from what you read. There’s that one that says, “I like your profile – how do you like to be contacted?” Is that just so moronic?!? Be original, I beg you. And stop all of that serial browsing – our pictures aren’t up there just to be looked at! We actually want to meet you, so write to us after you read our profile. What have you got to lose?!?

2) Put your picture on your profile. A nice, smiling picture that makes you look happy and handsome. Not a picture of your motorcycle. We know that men in their 50s have some need we don't understand to ride those things, but we want to believe you guys have grown up, even if you haven’t. No pictures of other women, even your secretaries. OK, a picture of your dog, I can live with that.

3) Be positive! Say upbeat things! Talk about yourself like you like yourself, but don’t go on and on and on forever about how fabulous you are and what your friends say about you. And we don’t want to read a list of the 50 things you don’t like about women. Say nice things about women. Make us believe you like women. Understand? And that guy who wrote a list of 25 books he read with the reasons they are his favorites or the guy who wrote a list of two dozen of his favorite one-liners? Don’t do that. I don’t have to explain this, just don’t. And use spell check, I beg you. Please!

4)OK, once you write to us and say nice things about us and say you’d like to meet us and we give you our phone number, just call us at a reasonable hour. Don’t ask, “what time should I call?” We like men with balls, don’t be a baby about this, just do it.

5) This is the most important. This, alone, will make you a chick magnet. I should charge money for this, but its value cannot be calculated. How much would you pay to have women adoring you and showing you cleavage? This is so simple, I beg you to take it seriously. I have told several guy friends about this and it has changed their lives. Even the drinker and smoker with bad skin had a date with different women every night of the week after he took this seriously, I kid you not. Ready? Here it is: Listen. OK, you’ve heard that before, I know, but I mean listen to learn. You guys are visual, see if you can picture this. When she is talking, it is like she is sitting on a chair with a spotlight on her. It is your job to keep the spotlight on her – every time you start talking about yourself, it takes the spotlight away from her. Keep her talking. Ask questions about what she is saying. Listen to learn. Let me say that again, listen to learn. Don’t be that guy who called me last night and talked for twenty minutes straight about himself and I thought, it doesn’t matter who he is talking to, he doesn’t care that he is talking to me. Trust me, I won’t be meeting that guy. Since you really want to meet us, act like you mean it. Act like there is something about us you really like and that you want to get to know us better. You don’t have to convince us you are fabulous – if you listen to us this way, we’ll believe it all on our own.

Hopefully, when the drug wears off, I won't regret writing this. It wasn't too bad, was it? Really, I just want you guys to relax, be brave, have courage, and go for what you want. You really might get it.

Personal ads....

I'm pretty much past the break-up and the swarm of emotions that come with it...I think of him fondly now, but know he's not for me. After him breaking up with me five, yes five, times, you'd think I'd get it?!? So I've been perusing personal ads to see what's out there - I'm not really so ready to date again, but if someone looked and sounded really good to me, maybe I'd go for it.

At the same time, just like when I was between relationships before, I'm geting those emails about my penis size. Now don't panic, I don't actually have one, but clearly those companies that email me don't know that. Although I have no current connection with anyone's penis, the advertisers seems to think that I can use products like the one that says it's a "100% tested effective penis enlargement device" that will give "permanent results, correct penis curvature, easy to wear in privacy with no additional exercises, and developed by a Medical Doctor," all with a money back guarantee. Do you guys really need this stuff? Is there something we women don't know? My favorite one has this in the email subject line,"Is your Dick can't stand up & not hard enough?" Geez, I don't think I'll ever have that problem and, if I'm with a guy who does, I probably shouldn't be the one to tell him!

What's up with the personal ads? Seems like the ladies talk about their children, how their family is important to them, that they appreciate men who think for themselves and are kind and, of course, seek men who will hold their hand while walking on the beach. They use words like witty, bright, creative, charming and say that they're seeking a man with humor, intelligence, and sensitivity. All and all, these ladies look really good, like women I'd really want as my friends and imagine that guys must be knocking down their door. Or their computer, at least.

And the guys seem quite different. They talk at length about sports, their jobs, how they want a woman who will wear jeans and dress up in that little black dress with heels. Many of them say that they want a woman who is beautiful inside and out, describe what their dress size should be, and how the woman should be be willing to participate in the activities that they like. The women show pictures of their children and the men should pictures of their cars and Harleys. The women ask for men near their age, a few years younger or older, and the 58-year-old guys ask for women between 30 and 45.

I wish we could just say what we really feel, that we yearn for someone to love us and accept us and treat us like we are the best thing to happen to them. That we want to be held and cuddled and get flowers for no reason. That we want great sex with someone who is tender and sensuous. That we enjoy our lives and our friends but that we want our last love and we want it soon so that we have lots of time to enjoy the beautiful life we can create together. Maybe we really all want the same thing.

A visit from Karolee Austin...

I went to Leon's Conversations again tonight in a quest to keep me from my strong desire to crawl under my covers and not come out until spring. Kinda experiencing a combination of the holiday blues, the upcoming birthday and its reminder of my mortality, the usual end of the year regrets, and the rest of the break-up emotions. Plus, it would be a good source of material for the blog, what with a room full of 50+ singles who are, at best, odd and quirky and strange.

So, we were treated to a presentation by Karolee Austin, owner of No-Waiting-Dating. I'm almost afraid to bring back memories of that fateful time when we met Karolee and participated in an unforgetable hour of meeting eleven guys who had four minutes each to wow us and instead talked about themselves, lied about themselves, and generally made us want to never go back to an event like that again.

But Karolee had something significant to say to us with her topic "Five Steps to Find a Perfect Match." She suggested that we re-evaluate, or throw out, our lists of nonnegotiables; open ourselves to less than perfect men, not judge a book by its cover, and give the seemingly less desirable men a chance; be feminine and leave our toughness at work, that our femininity will allow men to be more manly and confident; and look at what men bring to the table, instead of what they don't. She said that we women have the power in relationships and that we "magnetize" men with our "manner, scent, body, and voice;" that we don't hunt for love, but attract love; and that an imperfect match may be perfect.

The men were a bit cynical and sarcastic, but I think it was really their frustration showing. They asked, what about if the woman asks the guy for his phone number but won't give him hers, does that mean she doesn't want him? (How about we check it out and not assume?) Are men really "hard wired" to seek much younger women? (Or maybe they just read too many Playboys?) Is LA a place where anyone can really find love? (Maybe if we are more "real" then others will be, too?) Or that it's really good for us singles to have somewhere to go to meet someone who will make us miserable. (Ouch.)

What did I take away from this? That I like being single, that it would be nice to have a guy around but it's not necessary, and that the best indicator of whether a guy is right for me is really simple. When we're together, I can really just be me. My quirky, silly, smart, powerful, sexy self. Me.

Cruisin' WOW Style

As promised, here are some of the pix from our recent WOW weekend cruise to Mexico. There's something about women pals, how we laugh and giggle and gossip and relate to each other on a deep level, just because we're all women...

The way we love....

Breaking up is hard to do. Sounds like a song title. Gotta go through all the stages, like denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. There should be a pill for this. I know, I know, there's a lesson to be learned from every experience, bad ones and good ones. Did I say there should be a pill for this?

I read that we have something like 60,000 thoughts per day, most of them subconscious. Do we say to ourselves some uplifting things, like I'm lovable and fabulous and desirable and unique? Or are those tens of thousands of subconscious thoughts something like, this always happens to me or there's no good guys out there or why don't I just crawl under the covers and eat bon-bons 'cause no one will ever want me again?!? And what do the guys say after a break-up, something like good riddance and glad she's gone or....I'll never find another one like that, wish I'd done better at loving her...

A guy I used to know wrote about how men love differently than women and I just wonder if it's true. He wrote "I want to love like a woman. Men don’t love like that. Yes, we love, we feel it kindle inside and rather than succumb to the pure experience of it, we contain it, control it, hide it, use it to our own advantage, twist it, warp it, inflict wounds with it, especially the self-inflicted kind, and then we stand back and watch it die. We don’t open ourselves up and give the fire of our love the oxygen it needs to grow and warm our soul. Oh, how strong we are, we men. We stand powerful and alone, and live and die weak and lonely."

OK guys, I challenge you to love like a woman, with your whole heart, putting her first, treating her like a princess, overlooking her quirks and loving her like there's no tomorrow. The guy who wrote the words above ended it with this: "I want to love like a woman. But I can’t. I’m a man, and we are made of sterner stuff."

C'mon guys! Do it. Love like a woman. I promise we'll love you back, a zillion-fold.

Movin' on....

Now that I'm unattached, again, having done the exchange of stuff we left at each other's houses, I'm being urged and pushed and nudged to date again. Not so interested, thank you...Think I'll take a break, read a few (or more) good books, take in some movies, see my homies, or maybe just do nothing.

So just for fun, and to remind myself that there are men out there that might be worth meeting, I perused a few online dating sites to do some light reading. Of course, there are the guys I've seen online for the past ten years or so, with still the same picture and claiming to be the guy we really want. Golly, wouldn't someone have taken them if they'd been so fab?!? Ah, let's not be cynical, girl.

I've got a reasonable IQ, but there are some profiles I just don't understand. Help me here. "Wannabe chef seeks brave mouth to feed" says that, if his life doesn't improve soon, he's giving serious thought to joinng the French Foreign Legion. A woman will find that appealing? One guy who looks like he's maybe 350 pounds claims to be "a few extra pounds" and has titled his profile "I LOVE TO HUGGY BODY KISSES LIPS" and is clearly a lover of punctuation when he writes "I like going horse back riding with friends. and being in nature. and loving life." What?!? Another guy who clearly hasn't seen a razor in decades and titled his profile "let;s have some fun I;m a great guy" write that "one of my fun thing.s to do is travel on my harley. not so fun clean the garage." Common, guy, get a personality! And why hasn't "White Knight" who writes "I am a romantic and a gentleman, I will write you a poem, give you a great back rub and fix you a winning omlette for breakfast. I will treat you like a lady and tell you how much I appreciate you" been snapped up?

OK, OK, I promise not to enter the dating world until I return to my kind, compassionate, and uncynical self, when I can give some men, maybe not these men, a fair chance. Until then, ya got any good books to share?

The healing power of Craig's List.

Not a bad week. My new receptionist is good, efficient, and pleasant, so I'm not so stressed at work. My beautiful daughter and her 3-year-old twins stayed with me a few days again while their kitchen was being remodeled. Very cute and very tough age, those two, but I love their energy and how their forming minds think. (Gramma, did you know....?") And I did get some pix of the cruise emailed to me (they'll be on this site soon!) and it was fun to re-live those hilarious moments with my WOW ladies.

I also had the pleasure of spending a few hours this week with a woman friend, but not a WOW member, who is going through a break-up after eighteen months with a guy she dearly loves but had to give up. No matter what they did, they just couldn't be happy together. So, just for fun, we put a personal ad on Craig's List for her ("Need a rebound guy") and went to dinner and came back to 120 responses!!! Geez, that's like five years of being on Match.com or JDate and for free! Here's the totals: Dozens of twentyish and thirtyish guys, some of whom sent pix that were stunning (ah, those six-pack abs!); a few older guys who said they would be "generous" to her while she was getting over the break-up; one guy who wrote a lengthy dissertation on how women "over 45 were 'over'," like somehow on that b'day the possibility of future happiness ends (what does he know!!!); only three erect penises, one of which was next to a Red Bull can and was equal in size (I can't quite think of a cute response to that!); and dozens of guys who didn't sound crazy and actually sounded real and nice and serious about finding a good woman.

One guy wrote: "Well what can I say, My ears are here to listen, my arms are here to hold, my shoulder is here to lean on and my heart is here to feel. In other words, I'll absorb your hurt and make it less painful...And what did you mean by bad break-up? You didn't kill him did you?" And one guy, to whom she sent her picture, wrote back "Regarding your pic...You are nothing less than..A Goddess."

We laughed and giggled and said "aaaaahhhh" more than once, so after all the anger and disappointment and sadness my friend went through during the break-up, this was like medicine to heal the broken heart. Although she might not meet any of these guys, it was sure comforting for her to learn that there are some more good ones still out there.

Paradise

That's the name of the ship. You know, that big cruise ship that we could see (It's right there!!!) but couldn't get to (We need to be over there!!!) and yes, we finally found. I got excited just getting in line, seeing the other WOW ladies and their guests holding their tickets and waiting to board. I did think it would be a fun and primarily relaxing trip, but I was wrong!!! Not about the fun part, just about the relaxing. Didn't exercise, didn't read a book, didn't sit outside and watch the ocean pass by. Nope.

But we did laugh. I figure we were on the ship seventy hours, out of which we slept sixteen hours and laughed and giggled the rest. Now if any of this is inaccurate, I blame the ladies who made me drink Tequila shooters. Ok, OK, they suggested. Strongly. But so delicious and then five minutes later, I'm on another planet. How does that work?!? But let me get back to what we did on the ship. What I can remember. We ate breakfast and lunch overlooking the ocean and dinner in the formal dining room and danced a lot. Did I say we laughed all day and night?!?

We did get off the ship in Ensenada on Saturday and were convinced by that charming tour guide Rebecca to take the bus to the open air market place to shop (better prices, no income tax) Jaime, the driver, was funny the whole way and the market was a cool place to shop. A few of us, and I'm mentioning no names but they spoke fluent Spanish, salsa danced with the waiters at a local restaurant where we could buy Tequila shooters and get free tacos. So what if we bought the wrong shooters, the tacos (very yummy)were only $1.00! And then we stopped for a few minutes in Downtown so that we could shop some more and I didn't buy a diamond bracelet but we did buy two bottles of Jose Cuerve Especial (what a bargain!) and then went back to the ship and had a lobster dinner. Oh, I forgot, before dinner we invited a few ladies to our room to taste the Tequila (after borrowing salt and lemons from the bar) and somehow, in our somewhat altered state, we spent a considerable amount of time discussing such important topics (well, they seemed important at the time) as bikini waxing (pros, cons,and techniques) and oral sex (pros, cons,and techniques). Some of us, again I'm not mentioning names but they were at my dinner table, danced most of the night. Could really just say it's exercise, you know.

After all that partying, I figured Sunday would be a day to relax, do that "watch the ocean go by and take a nap in the ocean air" but no, we ended up having a few of the other singles group guys join us for lunch and more serious discussions about the topics from the day before (yes, really) and then we went to our free cocktail hour (thanks Bev) and more drinking. Oh, did I mention the picture taking in our room and how some of us, again no names of the women at our table will be mentioned, and the "girls gone wild" (yes, one can do that at our age) with shirts being lifted (we had our bras on, don't go there) for the pictures?!? And then after dinner, I got a neck and foot massage and an offer to "come to my room later and we'll see what happens" from a very good-looking guy, to whom I said "I'm not that kind of girl" or "not tonight, but I'll take a rain check," although I can't remember exactly which one. And then another yummy dinner, more laughs at the table, some dancing at the lounge, and an x-rated late show. For the weekend, I counted three pink drinks, five blue drinks, and those shooters (after three I lost count)...

So? I had a seriously fabulous time with fabulously magnificent women whom I adore. With hearty thanks to Bev for arranging this amazing weekend for all of us, I say "Let's do it again!!!"