By now, you know I have met someone I really like. And who likes me. Thinking back at what we've learned in WOW, whose advice do I take? I remember Hazel and her Conscious Dating tips, like Be The Chooser, Make the Lists, etc. and her words "if you feel very strongly about him right away, run away." Then there's the He's Not Just Into You guy who says to wait two months to have sex. And Rori who said to date at least 5-6 other guys so you will not be so available to the guy you really like and you'll be able to see him more clearly.
I don't think it's fair to be having dinner with another guy or five or six other guys and be listening to him and be thinking about the guy I really like. I don't want to wait two months to be intimate, but I think it's a good idea that will allow me to learn more about him before sex makes me not see him clearly. And I don't want to run away from him. I feel more comfortable and natural with him than I've ever been with anyone else.
Is there some middle ground? Is my intuition to be trusted? I don't know the answers, but I do know that being with him is a pleasure that I don't want to give up or screw up or play games with. How about if I just take it one day at a time and enjoy myself?
2 comments:
Dear Heathygrrl and whomever else is reading along,
I am ThatGuy, and when I told Ellen I wanted to respond to your comment by email, she suggested I do it on the blog. So, as we play out this relationship in front of you, I hope it helps us all find a way to that one person we have to believe is still out there for us.
So here I am. I am so not a game player. I don't lie. I have cheated in the past, and it cost me dearly, and that will never happen again. I agree with you about how sex changes things and how sex too soon can be a problem. I am 61. Those of us of this generation were raised in a time when sex was significant. We wanted plenty of it, but somehow when we did have sex it always meant there was a real relationship there. Later generations, learned to have sex as a kind of no-hands handshake. But my generation was stuck with our ingrained value system.
But sometimes the tail wags the dog. If sex is significant then if we have sex that must mean that the relationship is significant. IOW, having sex can raise up a relationship to a level that doesn't have the underlying support of the time it takes to get to know a person and develop at least a beginning sense of caring.(Damn, that was a long sentence.)
Even before we met, I suggested to Ellen, "hypothetically" of course, that we should delay sex some length of time to allow enough of who we really are to be exposed to each other. Ellen called it rubbing the edges off each other. Perfect.
I am not a saint. I am a man not that different from most. In fact, I think my suggestion, in this regard, will cause me to be banished from the company of men.
I took a chance, and Ellen agreed with me, hypothetically of course. She then proposed the Denny's Contract. I'll let her come along and explain what that is.
So now you can read what's happening from both sides. I hope this is helpful or at least entertaining. Since I may be banished from the band of manly manly men, do you think it would be possible for me to start a chapter of the WOW Men's Auxilliary?
Jessica, if you or anyone else reading this wants to email me, my address is miltobee@yahoo.com. I will share everything with Ellen, so no indecent proposals, unless it involves her too. ;-)
ThatMilt
To That Milt-
A Men's group comporable to WOW could be called MOM, Magnificent online Men. However, from my experiences the membership would be VERY small! Good luck to you
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