I'm home today with a head cold. That stuffy, icky, no energy feeling. I don't like to be sick, even with a cold, but I will rest and allow my body to heal and maybe I'll read a good book or take a nap. Sometimes I think my body gets sick to make me hold still and stop moving so fast.
So while I'm down, I'm thinking again about this dating-in-our-50s thing. I had dinner with a few of my single girlfriends last week and we talked about it, like how to really know if a guy is for real and not just trying to win us over, where we should meet a guy, how to decide when to have sex, and when to decide to move on to the next guy, etc. etc. etc. and so on. It was interesting that the general consensus is that we are all pretty happy, that we don't really feel a strong hunger to have a man in our lives, and that we'd be OK if one came along but it's not necessary. Maybe we're just tired of looking and being disappointed or maybe we just don't want to make the effort, or maybe we just don't want the drama of it all.
For me, it's a mixed bag. I like my life and I'm busy. I work, I have the Wow group and make an effort to stay in touch with my friends, I create the singles parties, I have time each week with my grandbabies, I have to keep up my house, and I exercise and take care of my health and all that goes with each one. Where would I put a guy in this schedule and what would be the advantage?
Yet I really think we all have a strong innate need to love and be loved. There's nothing quite as satisfying as having another human being know us well and love what they know. To be able to share our deepest selves with another person and be appreciated and respected and loved in spite of our flaws is powerful and energizing and encouraging and uplifting. And, if we find that person to be someone we admire and respect and we grow to love them back is even more satisfying and meaningful.
So I say that it's pretty terrific that we women have created interesting and fun lives for ourselves and that really don't need to have a man around to be happy. But, although we don't need a guy at this point of our lives, I have to admit that having a great guy to join us in this path might make our journey even richer. It's a good place to be, being in a position where a great guy would be like a delicious dessert, not necessary to the meal but making it all the more yummy.
7 comments:
Well, I have been a single man for a while and I don't think it is too difficult to tell when a man is looking for a "LTR" and just a woman for "Dating" which is a euphimism for "sex partner". Here are some things a woman can do,,, I'm not a woman so, perhaps you gals already know this. If a man mentions anything about 'sex' during the initial conversations, I doubt if he is looking for LTR. Even if he talks about some sex story from current events, or about some other person, so long as he is bringing up the subject of sex, it is a sign he is testing the responses.... Another thing, is if you have already met a man (like at one of your events) and then you give him your phone number.... if he calls and asks you out for a drink late at night... that also is a man looking for a recreational dating. Why, because he already knows who you are and he already knows what category he has put you in: either the LTR category or the 'dating-sex-partner' category. So, ladies a man taking you out to drink in the evening when he has already met you in person, is the sign of a casual date. Now if you meet a man on the internet then of course a drink date is a good ice breaker, as a matter of fact no woman should meet a man for dinner for the first date from the internet. Because no matter now well you think the two of you get along, once you meet the picture can change completely. Lots of women have had bad experiences on that first-meeting-is-a-dinner-date. Bad idea. Anyway, I have to go back to work now. Let me know if you gals wanna know more.
Dan
My first thought is about dessert.
I am doing what I dreamed of in my life, and need. But, it does not fill the incredible need to sleep with and live with a man that loves you.
My thought for Dan...
I have had the topic of sex come up right away and could not go with it. Clarification, thank-you!
Marie
My first thought is about dessert.
I am doing what I dreamed of in my life, and need. But, it does not fill the incredible need to sleep with and live with a man that loves you.
My thought for Dan...
I have had the topic of sex come up right away and could not go with it. Clarification, thank-you!
Marie
well, I can say for myself that I do not do well alone and finding a partner is important but it must be the right one as we all know. I use True.com, No Waiting Dating, and now WoW to find the right one. I have been stood up in Long Beach, had my time with other maniputlated by a female at a dance who at the end said I was too big for her, etc. I have just about given up on finding the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and I am not necessarily talking about marriage but someone who wants to spend time with me, watch movies, go out and have a great time singing karoke, etc. A partner, I am not looking for just sex although it should be a part of the relationship. I have found that most women in my age range just want to play the field so to speak and don't want a tie down. If there is anyone out there who would like a ltr with a very loyal guy from Louisiana, please feel free to respond. At our age, it is about willing to put up things and look past imperfections. No relationship is perfect.
Hey David... I feel your pain. I want to point out a few things for you to consider. First the woman who stood you up in Long Beach, I bet she was someone who you met on the internet, right? not a woman who had met you in-person before? the reason I say this is because there may have been something you said on the phone and after thinking about it for a while, she decided she didnt want to meet you ... her alternative was to call you up and say “i changed my mind, I'm not going out with you” But women want the easy way out because so many men have freaked out on them for being rejected. Now if you had met her in person before and she flaked out on you then that is bad, but when it comes to internet dating, be prepared for things like that for no apparent reason.
Another thing... dont let a woman's flakiness affect your self esteem... you are a man! move on. Next subject is the woman you met on the dance floor who told you she wasn’t interested in you, in so many words.... no woman would tell that to a mans face UNLESS you pushed her to go out with you... this also tells me you have not yet learned how to read a womans interest level. You blame her for manipulating your time while dancing… that statement does not make sense unless she picked your pockets while dancing with you. Check this out - Women communicate their interest or lack of interest in a man, in their body language, the subject of their discussions with you and how they merge your body space while dancing or talking. So, for me, I never put a woman in the position of telling me 'no' because I have already observed their level of interest in me. She was not interested in you but you did not see it, so you forced her into telling you 'you're too big'.
If I enjoy the company of a woman and she has displayed some signals that she is interested during the evening, then it is incredibly simple… I say “I’d like to take you out, what is your phone number” and if she stutters, I know she is not interested. If she is interested, she enthusiastically hands me her number. If she has any hesitation I tell her ‘no problem’ and move on. I tell her "I want to take you out" so she knows my intentions. And with a clear cut question, I get a clear cut answer.
The tone of your post – you sound too lonely,,, and if I pick up on that from 1 paragraph then is must be like a billboard sign to a woman. I recommend having some men in your life who you can really talk about the issues with women AND if you meet lots of women - you won’t come across as lonely.
Women often times go after men who are in relationships because they are so non-desperate.
Good luck
Wow.
While I was away, all the rules changed.
Part time ltr?! Mixed message for me that I cannot compute.
Desperate...no.
Wanting something does not mean a willingness to settle. From what I have seen, not wanting a close connection, is what makes things so confusing.
Gosh...my sentiments exactly...even though I'm a 57 year old guy. I photography equine events on weekends its a great hobby and I'm a busy in the software industry during the week.
I think I would be happy to make time for a girlfriend...but all the women I have run into are type A overachievers...like they are running so hard to impress someone. It makes me tired reading their bios on the internet. I should really attend one of your gatherings. And by gosh...so I will
Paul
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