My Wow group was treated to an evening of fun, food, and nurturing. My home fills with these women who are very different, yet bond and nurture and bring yummy food to share. Our speaker was Judi Lirman, a marriage and family counselor, who chose the subject "Transitions and Silver Linings." Just as every speaker for five years of Wow meetings, Judi picked a topic by herself that spoke to the exact time of my life, just what I am trying to surmount or deal with or learn from. I'm written about my problems at work, how I'm finally learning to stand up to the alpha males who push old buttons in me, those times from my childhood when I learned to fear my father. I've been thinking about moving on, getting a new job after decades of this one. All transitions, all unnerving.
Judi talked about how change is always around us, how the world is changing so fast, how the rules changes, and how this can make us feel scared. She loves quotes and used this one, "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain." As in consider the challenge of change, not fearfully, but with excitement. Change hits us, so re-invent and recreate, stretch and learn. She talked about how we were raised with such TV shows as Leave it to Beaver, where the parents were perfect, the house was never a mess, all problems were easily solved in thirty minutes, and we learned that life was that simple. Then we were faced with wars and recessions and divorces and the reality of facing the big world on our own and we found that the script we had believed was unrealistic. Women in the 50s and 60s found their voices, realized that the lives of their mothers were not what they wanted, and launched themselves in the unknown, a world of their own creation, one never before seen. We learned that transitions, happy or not, can be stressful, that the end of a relationship or the lack of success in implementing a goal can be the end of a dream.
Judi said that there are three stages to a transition, the end, the middle, and the beginning, in that order. Something ends, pushing us in the middle stage where we feel neutral, floating, like treading water, unproductive, scared, empty, excited, like we've lost our bearings. The scariness is that we no longer know who we are, being uprooted and seeking a new beginning, which leads to new beginnings, new perspectives, a new sense of priorities, and even a change in values. She says that, during this stage, we should remember what we have previously accomplished, that we have skill and perseverence and the will to go on, that we have faith in ourselves and the universe that gives us the courage to face the unknown. She suggests that we rethink and re-evaluate our dreams, ponder what we might be missing in life, allow ourselves to believe we can accomplish new goals, and to be still enough to hear and learn what they might be. She says to pay attention to what entices or intrigues us, face the new fears we feel when we think about this new path and what could happen to use if we proceed, and realize that change is normal, part of life. Helpful tools include keeping a journal by writing in a stream of consciousness, jotting down whatever thoughts pop up, exercise and walk as meditation, get enough rest, take baths with candles all around. In other words, create an environment in which we feel good and are open to hearing the small voice that tells us the truth, suggests a path, leads us ahead. Judi reminds us that it's a process in growth and learning and that we need to celebrate each small accomplishment on the path. Clearly, Judi is a delight, a spirited and wise woman. You can reach her at 818-998-3205, and she encourages your calls.
I followed the Wow meeting by taking a week off work, just to rest and renew. I had been feeling less fearful at work, feeling more strength and power, but I just knew that it was time to take a break, to do something for myself, to take more steps on this path of change. After hearing Judi, I'm not so sure I'm supposed to take a new job, but rather conquer my fears where I am. Remember I started the process of moving forward by getting my carpets cleaned so this week, seeking to break out of what my daughter calls being "safe" at home, I painted my bedroom purple and taupe. I removed closet doors, curtains, and blinds and the room feels open and light and soothing. There's still more to do, like buying curtains and window treatments, but my very wise daughter reminded me to take my time, that I didn't need to do the work in a frenzy, that I could do it step by step, and to resist setting a deadline for it to be finished. Again, change is a process and yes, I am relishing in the work I have accomplished and the feeling I have created in the room. My thanks to my handyman/contractor Sam, who refused to charge me for doing the heavy lifting - you can reach Sam at 818-992-1884. He does everything well, was generous with his suggestions about painting, and even called to offer to loan me tools and brushes and dropcloths. And again thanks to my carpet cleaner, who gladly returned to clean the parts of my bedroom that were under the old bed, changed me 1/2 his minimum fee, and ended up redoing all of the most heavily traveled areas because, "I care about my customers." You can reach Sylvan and his "Supermachine" at 818-335-2775.
So I've enjoyed my week off work, appreciate the hard work I've accomplished, and relish the changes in my home. Now, I will look forward to whatever changes or challenges come next with a spirit of optimism and cheerful anticipation.. I'll keep you posted.
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