A few guys respond...

Sometimes my writing touches a nerve.   Remember the guy online who I was liking in the first emails and then sent me naked pics of himself?  He apologized for offending me with the pics and then we had some nice emails back and forth.  He complimented my past blog writing and my appearance and we had a few cool discussions of philosophy and our ideas about relationships.   Then he suggested we meet in person and sent him my phone number and he wrote that he "hated" phones and preferred to meet in person.  I replied that I'm not comfortable meeting without talking on the phone first but, since his emails only came during the day during work hours and he didn't want to call me, I was getting the idea that he was probably married or otherwise attached and then he wrote:  "I'm sorry, but I think I'm going to stop this back-and-forth between us. You seem like a very intelligent, thoughtful, and physically attractive (!) woman, but I keep getting the feeling like you're trying to leash me and house-train me. Starting with the tsk-tsk about sending you some tastefully revealing photos, followed by the public flogging on your blog, the largely negative remarks about men ("passive-aggressive", alpha-male, father fear, etc.),the reluctance to discuss or contemplate anything sexual until you've been treated like a princess and wooed, and now concluding with the terms under which you would meet, you've left me afraid that you really do like to domesticate your men and call the shots. Maybe this is because you've had a lot of less-than-satisfactory experiences with them, but I don't want to put on a leash all the time because you've had a few dogs that behaved badly. I'm too nice, intelligent, and well-mannered for this bullshit. You blew it with your strong-arm tactics."

 Yikes! I'm always glad to find out a potential date is angry or bitter or nuts in some way before I agree to meet, so thank you for showing me this side of you up front.  Somehow, I don't think that being offended by naked pics showing details of your private parts or asking to speak on the phone before meeting are "strong-arm" tactics but, again, thanks for sparing me seeing this side of you in person.

I was kinda unnerved by this guy, obviously, and was delighted to hear from another guy who told me his opinion in a very kind and amusing  way:  "Hi Ellen - Maybe you're setting your sights too high? I mean expecting to find an employed Prince Charming with a brain who is ALSO single on line???? Hope springs eternal doesn't it? You hit it right though - no matter what our age, we really do have just one thing on our minds. (I am fond of saying that God only gives us enough blood to run one head at a time.) But even though you've probably made some nice female friends on line you haven't met any male keepers have you? I can't speak for all men but I'd hazard that you won't meet the man of your dreams there. You're obviously good looking and intelligent but do you project approachability (if that is even a word) when you are out and about? I mean you are able to 'converse' with a stranger on line but have you ever walked up to a guy in the supermarket and struck up a conversation? Even a smile might invite a man to ask you to dinner rather then cook that single piece of chicken in your basket.  Sometimes you just have to take a chance and let the Universe provide..."

Thank you for your opinion!  It's really the conundrum of the times.  I remember in years past, before computer dating,  how we girls would go to Friday night happy hours and meet nice guys every week.  There were really cool guys at Parents Without Partners events and friends' houses and at the Longhorn Saloon where I was on the dance team.  But there hasn't been PWP for a long time and the Longhorn closed years ago and friends don't have parties like they used to.  And yes, I've been to dozens of local singles events recently, like Meetups or dances and it's like a graveyard, $20 for a bad dinner and singles my age hanging out with the ones they already know, not even looking my way and no way to mingle with them.   

Really, I'm quite friendly.  I'll talk to anyone in an elevator or in line at a store.  I put on ten free singles parties a few years ago, each attended by over 100 40+ singles who mixed and mingled and laughed and danced and I talked to each and every person who attended, but that hotel has closed that room and the cost of other locations is prohibitive.  I really don't see single men at Trader Joe's or Von's.  I've been redecorating and painting my house, so I've been to the hardware store a dozen times recently, but the men there were with their wives or were contractors with their carts loaded with wood and tools and not remotely looking around.  It was suggested to me to visit an Apple store, which I did and it was full of people, but everyone was completely engrossed in their individual computer. 

Jeez, now I sound like I'm whining, but I seriously think many guys are sitting at home behind their computers, where they can write to as many women each day as they have time.  It's almost like there are too many choices, and it's too easy to carry on conversations online with dozens of women at the same time.  So what's a girl to do?  As much as I'd love to have a great guy in my life for cuddling at home or adventures out in the world, I'm pretty content with my life as it is.  I have some great friends, get to see my grandchildren every week, and like being by myself.  In some eastern philosophies, the mere act of wanting "more" is noted as the cause of unhappiness, so I will choose to enjoy the moment and appreciate what I have right now.  And, as the guy above suggests, if the Universe provides something or someone new, I am open to receive what it is with open arms and heart.