Poison, tears, and muffins.

OK, I'm a mess. If you didn't know me and looked at me, I'd look normal to you. But I'm just a mess. It's been the strangest year. I've survived the pest guys almost killing my poodle and an investigation by a really stupid government worker who the vet said didn't know anything about poison. I've survived three short love affairs, one with a Buddhist who loves porn, one with a 50-year-old guy who can't find himself yet in the world, and another with a controlling guy who tried to manipulate me with guilt. I've survived a change in my work schedule and grandchildren starting kindergarten. I've survived a break-in at my home and sobbing in front of police officers and then crying in front of the checker at Von's. I've survived the loss of almost all my jewelry and cameras, and now not being able to find where I've hidden what's left of my valuables. I've survived being two miles from a train crash that killed twenty-five people and listening to the emergency vehicles overhead and on the streets all night and then booking surgeries for the victims at work. I've survived a shoulder injury and daily pain for the past three months. There's a continuing war, threat of nuclear weapons, countless natural disasters, and Sarah Palin. And what finally did me in? Yes, my cable TV.

I've really been amazed at my fortitude, how I just keep going, no matter what happens. Just try to eat right and exercise and see some friends and do my job and have time with my kids and grandkids and then the cable TV goes crazy and I lose it.
I have no volume on channels 2,4, and 7. The Simpsons on channel 11 are in Spanish and Law and Order on A&E is giving me a continuous description of what's happening, like I'm blind. And I called the cable company and just lost it. I called from work and the lady said she would reboot it from the office and then I got home and nothing had changed and then I called again but couldn't understand what the operator was saying with her accent and she wouldn't put me through to another operator so I hung up. Then I called again and the operator said she couldn't fix it and I said should I just cancel service and she said fine, she could do that for me and then I just lost it and hung up. I called again and asked for a supervisor and she was really nice and said that she really valued me as a customer and could she make an appointment for a service call and I just went blank. I couldn't think of a two hour window of time in my life in the next five days to let in a cable guy and so I hung up. And so I went to bed to try to calm down and read a book and fell asleep at 8:30pm and now I'm up at 3am and can't sleep.

I have no wisdom about this at all. I think my nerves are probably just shot. I think I'll take my cable box to the company and exchange it and maybe that will work. I've got a doctor's appointment in a few hours about my shoulder and I don't want to go nuts there, so maybe I'll pick up some muffins to take with me to the staff in case I get weird in the waiting room. I know none of this is life and death but I guess life sometimes just gets to us and that's just the way it is. I'll keep you posted.