Isn't it romantic?

I don't know what that means. Romantic. Guys ask me if I'm romantic and profiles list romantic as a "type" and songs are written about it and I'm confused.

I'm big on definitions. Lots of profile list "communication" as a priority but we often err on definitions. Like the time years ago when a guy told me he was sensitive, which to me means that he is thoughtful and kind, but to him it meant that he was touchy, that he reacted strongly at the slightest perception of an insult. So I thought I should just get a definition of romantic and then I'd understand it, but it wasn't so easy.

The dictionary writes about relating to romance or given to thoughts or feelings about romance, but there we go again with defining a word with a similar word. Not helpful. It also defines it as imaginative but impractical, like "romantic notions" and not based on fact, like having a "romantic view." Again, not so helpful. An internet search of "how to be romantic" defines romance as "a nebulous thing with the curious property of being describable but not definable." So I'm not alone in having trouble with the meaning of the word! It says hearts and puppies and teddy bears are romantic, but I can't imagine why. It also says that candles and sunsets are romantic, so advises to have dinner in a dark room. Apparently red is romantic because it is the color of love and passion. Who decides this, I ask. Background music, chocolates, and fancy curly things like on greeting cards, are romantic. So a red candle made out of chocolate and shaped like a teddy bear holding a hear with scribbles all over it that plays a tune when you wind it up is romantic? Give me a break, please.

And then there's this study about romance, full of statistics. Such as the percentage of men who believe in love at first sight: 48, women 49. There's even romance in weather: The average guy's most romantic weather: A snowstorm. Most romantic season: Spring. And my favorite: Percentage of women who think the average guy would prefer a night out with buddies to a romantic evening at home with her: 53. Percentage of men who would prefer the romantic evening at home: 73.

Maybe I can define romance in my own way. I believe that love is a verb, not just a feeling. It's the things we do to make our loved ones feel loved. How we can wake up each morning and think about what we can do to make our loved one's day better. It's really listening to what they say so that they will feel they are still important to us. It's remembering that they wanted to read certain book or see a particular movie and making it happen. It's turning off the TV and computer and just cuddling, each of us sharing some concerns or victories with each other. It's cheering us on when we need a boost and holding us when we feel sad. It's putting the other first without losing who we are. I remember reading a recent study that found that married men who do the dishes get more sex. It's easy enough to buy some flowers or sign a pretty greeting card, but putting out the energy and time to do something special for us? Now that's romantic.