Should we be monogamous?

Maybe it's the full moon or we're all just geting more comfortable, us 50+ ladies, but I've had several conversations in the past week or so with women who are considering sex outside of marriage or committed relationships. They question the definition of monogamy and really it's not as easy to define as you may think.

Just some facts about monogamy from Google. A dictionary definition is having only one mate during a period of time. Ninety percent of bird species are monogamous throughout their lifetime. It's a useful social convention, defined by the culture in which we live. It's a dictim from God, starting with Adam and Eve. A high-profile actress recently said that monogamy is a weird thing, an overrated virtue, although she apparently started that quote with saying it's something she admires and aspires to. (She's the one whose famous hubby boinked their very young nanny.) And male chimps frequently and brutally beat their females, using branches as weapons, to police their wandering eyes, although the males routinely procreate with more than one female.

But the times, they are a changing, and the younger generation always leads. One-quarter of 18-24-year-old women are having sex with more than one partner at a time. Twenty-five percent of high school students are having what they call non-connected sex, and apparently much of this is initiated by the girls. We and his wife forgave Kobe for his very public indiscretions when he presented her with a huge diamond ring. We kept a President in office after he engaged in oral sex with an employee, lied about it, and then claimed that a blow job wasn't a sex act.

So, back to my women friends and what they really want. They are considering same-sex relationships outside of marriage and don't think it's violating their vows. They admit to often having fantasies about sex with another women while making love to their mates. Really, we women rarely see our women friends without kissing and hugging hello and good-bye, and sitting on a cough with our bodies touching is fine with us. So, if we kiss and hug, what's wrong with taking it a little farther? These women are not going to leave their long time husbands, but they admit they wouldn't exactly be comfortable telling their mates about these desires. If they do become intimate with a woman and don't tell him, is the secrecy itself breaking their vows or are some secrets OK in a marriage?

Morals and values are personal and we have to define them for ourselves, but such ideals are human constructs and depend on geography - we grow up believing that the values of the society in which we live are the right ones. In a changing society such as ours, where women no longer have to marry to survive, don't values change as well? Isn't it also possible that human beings are naturally bisexual, that we could be attracted to either men or women but that certain societies hinder this duality? Our friendships with other women are very different than our relationships with our men - would sex with them really violate our vows?