Is February the month of love?

So, yes, I am Valentine-challenged. Without a boyfriend. Without a lover. But you know that. And this month I am constantly bombarded with reminders of Valentine's day, the holiday of lovers, and what should I say? Is it tough for me and my similarly Valentine-challenged friends to be reminded of what we don't have?

First, about my married or attached friends. I've heard from several who have mates who "hate" Valentine's Day, calling it a Hallmark holiday and swearing not to honor the occasion. Other friends lie in wait, hoping that this is the year that they receive a thoughtful gift, something other than roses and candy. Others who are not so happy in their relationship aren't looking forward receiving their usual "I'm sorry I'm such a jerk all year, but maybe these expensive flowers will make up for it" gift. And the restaurants are packed, the flower shops have their second best day of the year (after Mother's Day), and the men feel like they've done the right thing and are redeemed for the times they didn't.

Even my email boldly reminds me today about love. The Writer's Almanac tells me that the famous Yeats said that when he met the love of his life "the troubles of my life began." Although he proposed almost immediately, she refused, saying that believed in magic and the occult and that they had been brother and sister in a previous life, but apparently she inspired some of his greatest poetry. E.B. White was ready to give up writing when an editor told him he was a great writer who just hadn't produced his masterpiece yet. She said that giving up writing would be like "a violinist giving up music, the thing he most loved, because he can't be the best." He married her. When Sylvia Plath met the poet Ted Hughes, he led her to the side of the room, kissed her "bang smash on the mouth, ripped off her earrings and headband," and she responded by biting him "long and hard on the cheek...blood running down his face." We know how her life ended. And one of those emails that you're not supposed to open writes that someone wants to give me a $500 Victoria Secret gift card, just click here! I was really looking forward to reading Dr. Laura Berman's Passion Files, titled "No Valentine? No Problem!" and then found that the ten suggestions for pampering myself ended in the middle of #2 "Give a little loving attention to...." I'll never know. Cupid.com Predating invited me to their speed dating events, but none of them were for anyone over 49. And in my Today's Inspiration, Brendan Behan is quoted as saying "The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink, and somebody to love you." But he spent much of his life in a Dublin jail, became famous after writing a play, and the drank himself to death at the age of 41.

Oh Ellen, you say, have you become so cynical? The reality is that I think of love as a verb, something one does, not something one waits to receive. I can either live my life hoping for someone to love me, or I can become someone who loves. I can be a victim, sorrowful about the lack of romance in my life, or I can be one who spreads love and joy everywhere. I can smile at the people I pass on the street, I can help the elderly lady put her groceries in the car at the market, I can answer the phone at work with a smile in my voice and give my patients an extra few minutes when they are worried. I can tell my loyal friends how much I appreciate them and I can share with my new friends the pleasure of meeting them. And I can hug and kiss and play with my grandchildren and remind my daughter of her beauty and kindness to others.

Someone told me recently that it was OK to be loved, but that it was better to "be love." It's not easy to meet someone with whom we feel that chemistry and connection, that romantic love that is celebrated today. But it is possible, every day of our lives, to spread a little bit of love to everyone we encounter. That kind of love is always available.....and has no end.