You're gonna do what to my what?

Happy New Year to all of you. It's an interesting time of year, a time to ponder past successes, let go of last year's failures, think of how we want to improve our lives, almost like an invisible line in the sand that allows us to let go of the past and start new and fresh. Create new dreams, think of new goals, let go of regrets. Like taking a long, hot mental and emotional shower, this cleansing away of the past and starting anew.

So I thought I'd do some cleaning, which always makes me feel stronger and more in control of my life and actually clears my head, kinda like meditation with some practical results. I did the usual, cleaning the floors and bathrooms, moved to the closets to recycle some things I don't use or wear, and ended up here at the computer, to clean out the emails I never read. Thought I'd share some of them with you before they go to that place where old emails go, these responses to my online ads:

1) From the smiling guy with the hat, earrings, and long gold necklace: "i am 56, i like to walk on the beach, bike ride cook read romance novels, and spend time with a special lady." Is this a chick or a guy?!?

2) From the smiling guy in the baseball cap who lives in O.C. and is obviously clever and amusing: "This was not an 'attempt' to relay the state of affairs with my chest thumping, mouth breathing, knuckle dragging brothers...nor was the missive an attempt to express the unexpressable, the allure of the rare woman who does have the beauty and charm to make Brave Sir Knight think with the proper brain." Ah, but thou doth live toooo far away to entice this noble lady...

3) And from another dating site, this wishful guy writes to me that he is "Big Protective 6'4" humorous and sensitive man looking for that one in a million beautiful, whitty, smart and adventurous woman, size 7 or less who loves to wear that little black dress with high heels, to share my life with." Maybe if he looked instead for inner beauty, his odds would be much much better..

4) From the guy with shoulder length frizzy hair and the scowl: "I am single and available and 50 years old and I would love to lick your pussy for you for hours - please feel free to contact me at your earliest convenience." Not that I don't like that particular activity, but shouldn't we at least know each other's names first?!?

5) And finally, this simple note from the guy who writes: "Hi there, Since I am not in a relationship at this time, I shave one leg so when I sleep, it feels like I am with a girl." I don't know whether to cry or laugh at that one!

So I wish you happiness and health and joy and lots of time this year with your loved ones and friends - and the ability to start each day as if it's a New Year with new dreams and hopes. And most of all, I wish you the ability to enjoy and cherish each joy and pain that comes your way, knowing that each experience is a chance to learn and grow and be a better, healthier person. Isn't that what life is all about?