July 2, 2006

Muses on serial browsing....

Just thinking about online dating, that way we meet potential mates by sitting in front of a computer screen and browsing. How can we capture our essence, that which makes us unique, in a few written words and a picture or two? How can we judge another by what words they use to entice us?. For our generation, this is new and strange territory. We are used to meeting people in person, striking up a conversation, feeling a sense of hope when we meet someone with whom we connect. We are less social people now, more into instant decision-making, more into throwing away people without really knowing who they are. A recent "Ask Amy" described it like this: "It is so easy to 'click through' people online that men and women develop this mentality in actual life. Everbody is looking for a 'connection.' And connections, it is commonly thought, happen quickly or they don't happen at all. There seems to be an idea that - no matter what - a better match (your 'soul mate') is just a click away."

We don't give others a chance and they don't stop long enough to allow us to reveal ourselves. How many profiles say "it's the chemistry - I'll know it in a minute when we meet." What happened to learning about a person's values and character? It's just that "chemistry," that connection we make so superficially when someone we meet seems to fit some pre-ordained idea of what would be a "match" for us, a snapshot of who we decided long ago would be our "prince charming." I'm sounding angry, sorry, but I wonder if, like other trends in society, we will find some sort of middle ground and become more sociable, allowing time for relationships to develop and grow and flourish. I relate it to a rose, how a quick look at a rose bush might only reveal thorns and its craggly limbs. We might miss the beauty of the flower and its subtle scent by seeing only a fraction of it. And a rose must open slowly, in its own time, or it will not achieve its potential beauty. A relationship that is rushed and hurried will wither and die, rather than become something lovely and life-giving.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean, Ellen, it surprises me, though, how many men now are responding with one-line emails like "I like what you said, call me". What's up with THAT?

Dating is like marketing yourself, you need to have a catchy, "what's in it for me" angle to capture someone's eye and it must be from the heart or they won't even look. I don't have a problem with making decisions quickly on either end, I have always looked at it from the perspective that if I am supposed to be with someone, wild horses won't keep us apart, and if I am NOT supposed to be with them, wild horses won't keep us together!

That philosophy has saved me a lot of time and heartbreak.

Just a thought.

jessica