Auntie Sharon is still visiting. We were married to brothers the same year, had baby girls the same year, divorced the same year, and lived together after that. We lived through our wild and crazy (and newly divorced) late 20s together... So we floated in my pool yesterday on two rafts - I held onto the side of her raft to keep us close and we just talked on and on, like we had never parted and she had not moved to Georgia. On a whim. But that's another blog.
She's a hypnotherapist with a gift for it. She can take a phobia or fear or whatever is keeping a person from succeeding in life and take it away. I was taught from my mom, from an early age, that I should fear my dad's anger, that I should keep him from getting pissed off because his anger was something to be dreaded. He really didn't do anything except withdraw, more than usual, and give me that look that said "you are unacceptable to me, you did something bad, I don't love you anymore." So on one hand I am a successful woman who runs a business, has raised an emotionally healthy and happy daughter, is financially independent, and have friends I cherish. On the other hand, sometimes I am intimidated by men and authority figures - and this tends to erode my usual confidence and makes me act like a scared seven-year-old. So we did a session about that and now I feel strong and powerful.
Among other things, she said that dating is like a business venture. Although we are powerful women, we need to allow the man to be "the man," especially on the first date. Those of you reading "Calling in the One" will know that we can be powerful but we can still be a woman who allows our guy to show his best hand. A compliment makes him taller, a dig makes him shrink. It's a relationship and that requires tact and kindness and effort. Men have feelings too.
Oh, the business side. Sharon says that the first date is the guy trying to sell himself. He picks the place, pays for it, holds the doors open, and treats us in a way that makes us want to see him again. Or not, but it's up to us to evaluate his performance. It's up to us on the first date to learn as much as we can about him to determine if we want a second date. And, if he has done well, it's up to us to let him know we appreciate his efforts. And the second date is our time to show him how fabulous we are and that he would be better off for having us in his life. This isn't about "The Rules" and playing games and not being ourselves - it just allowing each of us to be the best we can be. And having the other person feel better for having been in our presence.
Whatcha think? Isn't Auntie fun to have in town?
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