We've been together since last October. We've had speakers (a relationship counselor on "Conscious Dating," and someone who organizes our closets and thus our thinking) and a "toy" party (where I told everyone about my personal little friend "Chuck" - I really should stay away from those Mimosas) and watched a Dr. Phil show about Smart Dating and how we ignore red flags and should really get important info from a potential mate, instead of the "what's your sign" questions. We've done a few happy hours, heard some bad music and some good music, and still only one of us has met someone we liked and he lives in Vegas. Not such a good average. Still, our organization guru Jessica says that we can change our luck and meet a great, nurturing, kind guy if we change our attitude. Maybe I need another Mimosa.
So the ladies want to do a Speed Dating event - I contact the local Diva of Six-Minute-Dating and arrange our night at a local semi-hot spot. The day of the event, she says that there are only six guys and eleven women and she will cancel if it's more than one or two difference and that she will offer some cutrate price to get more guys. Can't even fathom what that would draw, but we show up anyway. I'm not much on small talk, prefering to determine right away if the guy can have an intellectual conversation (or at least knows something interesting to talk about) but I've paid my money and my ladies have all shown up, looking lovely of course, and I'm gonna make the best of it. The guys don't look like much, but let's not prejudge!!! I meet an old Unitarian/Psychologist, a retired guy who likes cars, a bald accountant, an architect, a rich Romanian who goes out every night, a subsitute teacher, and a real estate investor who claims to be rich. Actually, several of them claimed to be rich. I'd have guessed otherwise, but whatever. So I've talked to seven guys, had the same conversation seven times - actually, listened to the same conversation seven times since no one asked me anything or let me say more than two words, and I figure I've only got two more to go and I can make it through this, I know I can, since the next guy is a friend of one of us and the last guy is the best looking guy there. The eighth guy is nice and I'm on the home stretch and the last guy sits down and I ask him to tell me about himself and he says, no he wants to hear about me and then starts talking about himself and mentions that he teaches at a religious college and I ask "are you religious" and he proceeds to make a herculean effort to get me "saved." Listen, I'm already a JewBu (a Jewish Buddhist) so I figure I've got all the religion I need but he asks if I have insurance and I'm thinking, is that why I should convert, not because I believe but so that I won't go to wherever the unsaved go? Anyway, he pushed and he pushed and used every tactic I could imagine (like bribery, threats, intimidation) and I kept saying "I don't care" to his concerns about my afterlife and, thank God or whoever is Up There, the bell rang. Took me hours to get my jaw unclenched. So much for Speed Dating. Never again, thank you.
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