Meet your Party Hosts!

As you know, we're having another party on July 21st. I remember in the 80s how we'd get together on a Friday night for happy hour and laugh and tell stories and hang out until the band started and then we'd dance. There were lots of places around but now I can't seem to find any. I think a lot of singles are just "serial browsing," spending hours on whatever online singles sites they are using, just looking and answering emails and waiting for the guy or gal of their dreams. I like it the old way, meeting in a fun setting, so I created the Party List events and it's been great fun. And to make it easier for the shy or hesitant, we have lovely Wowettes greeting and making name tags and getting you on the dance floor. Here are a few that will be "working" at this party! (Check back in a few days - I'll keep adding more pix and bios as the ladies send them to me!)


Kathy is a new Wowette, always smiling and cheery. This is what she writes about herself:

A tomboy as a kid, Kathy's still a nature girl, but she cleans up pretty nice! In addition to working outdoors (she owns an environmental consulting business), she likes kayaking, landscape photography and hiking with her black Lab Retriever. Five years ago she was working too much and on a whim, drove to Baja. She fell in love with a place south of San Felipe, bought a house and learned there how to relax, to slow down and be kind to herself, and that life was about far more than a successful career and pleasing everyone else. She hopes to semi-retire there someday, but for now she's loving her life in Chatsworth and is happy to have found great friends like Ellen and WOW!






Kimberly is an old friend whom I recently found again. A new Wowette, she is fun and smart and here is what she writes about herself:


Kimberly teaches journalism, filmmaking and literature on the high school level. She and her students publish a bi-weekly newspaper and produce a weekly TV show. She has two children, one of whom is currently her student. Her passion is travel, and her adventures have taken her to 42 states and 43 countries.




This is Rookie. No, she's not a bunny, she just wore that outfit at one of her own parties. She has been the biggest help to me with my free Party List events.

This is what she writes about herself: Rookie of SuperSingleMixer fame will be helping again, expect her smiling face to greet you and make all feel welcome. Check out her bio and her info on her web site www.supersinglemixers.com

Again, I'm giving Rookie the night off so she can just be a guest, but I know she'll be out there introducing you gorgeous female partygoers to the handsome guys in the room, so grab her (gently, of course) and get her dancing!

p.s. A bunch of us are meeting before the Party for dinner at a nearby restaurant - if you want to start the fun early, email me at wowthatellen@yahoo.com and ask for the locations of the pre-Party dinner! It's a good way to meet the group and feel comfortable, especially if you're brave and attending alone!!!

We're Having Another Party!

I can't resist, I really can't. We've had four Party List Events and they've been SUCH fun! I hear so many complaints about how hard it is to meet quality single people in their 40s and 50s and here I just invite lots of them to a party and they show up and everyone has a great time! (Check back a few posts and then a few more for pix and details of those events!)

I'm on two weeks vacation and I was just going to hang out, pretend I don't have a job, and just do whatever I please each day. OK, I have to take my car in for a check-up and take the dog to the vet for a teeth cleaning and stuff like that, but I really wanted to to take it easy and be lazy. Then I started getting emails from you single guys out there, asking me when was the next party and telling me how much fun they were and now we're going to do it again! And soon!

So get your party shoes out and take your favorite shirt or dress to the cleaners and hold the date of Saturday July 21st for the next party!!! We meet at a local hotel lounge where there is a really cool band and NO cover charge and then more people and more people and then more people show up and pretty soon there's a crowd and the dance floor is full and everyone is smiling and I'm just delighted!

If you are in the LA or San Fernando Valley area and want to join the fun and you aren't already on my Party List, hit me back with an email to wowthatellen@yahoo.com and ask for details! And do check back here for pix and profiles of the ladies who will be greeting you at the door and making your name tags!!! Your single friends our age are welcome! Let's just celebrate the summer (and the end of my vacation) with the best Party ever!

Why do we have relationships?

There are lots of relationships, with our children, with our coworkers, with our parents, with our friends, and with lovers. Really, ever time we interact with another human being, it's a relationship. All relationships have a certain time, some short and some long, but all have an affect on our lives. We single people think of relationships as romantic, that falling-in-love thing, but relationships fill our lives. And why?

I've already told you that I sometimes like to coccoon. Just hide under my cozy covers alone, close my eyes or read a book, but just hide away from that big, sometimes cruel world out there. I don't like crowds, especially noisy and pushy crowds. But aren't I'm the one throwing those huge free singles parties, you ask?!? Yes, it's me.

See I know that relationships are life-giving and that I need them to be really happy. I need the companionship and sharing of girlfriends, I need to know that my daughter still needs me and that I can still do things to make her life better, I relish the time with my grandbabies who run and giggle through my house, I need to care for the relationships with my coworkers, and I yearn for tender moments with a lover. I actually even really enjoy those momentary relationships with the checker at the market or the sales lady at the department store. We say hello, inquire about each others' health, make a comment about something simple, and our lives are changed.

I do think that every interaction between people changes the world, I really do. Think of smiling and making eye contact when you say thank you to the guy washing your car versus grabbing your keys, getting in the car, and driving off. Quite a difference. I'm not talking about doing volunteer work here, finding out about his family or his troubles or his successes, but just creating a small space where another person can feel cared about, even for a minute or a second.

We think we have to wait for a fabulous guy who fulfills our wish list to find love, that magical feeling that you can't wait to see him again and that tingling feeling you get when he shows up or touches you. But all of that is just a feeling, and feelings pass and wax and wane, but to me love is a verb, it's something we do, it's an action we take to show we care. Mother Teresa knew this, and said There is a terrible hunger for love. We all experience that in our lives - the pain, the loneliness. We must have the courage to recognize it. The poor you may have right in your own family. Find them.Love them.

All this waiting and hoping and wishing for a great love, a prince who will come along and treat us like a princess, maybe isn't the way to find love. Maybe we ourselves have to love, give love, show love. If we love others, especially the lonely or needy, it changes them. We spend a good deal of time trying to find some purpose for our existence, some meaning to the suffering and longing and pain. A kind word, a big smile, and thoughtful gesture will all go far to ease another's burden. I vote we stop seeking love and BE love. Let's change the world.

Where did I find him?

I keep hearing the same question, where did you find him? I've met a guy who has really shook me up, kinda appeared when least expected, and is waaaaay better than I could have imagined. I'm doing my very best to enjoy the moment and not project into the future, or "futurize" like my lovely new friend Kathy says. I'm determined to enjoy him, learn about him, learn about me by being more vulnerable, and just let it happen. I really don't want to miss it, this new creation happening in my life, by thinking or projecting or being someone or somewhere else. But you ask and ask and ask, how did this happen?

Remember, I'm the one who didn't want to date so I formed Wow to have more women friends. I happened upon a speaker, a relationship coach, and asked her to do a similar presentation to the ladies. Took some courage to do that, I must admit, but then speaker after speaker came my way and we learned about being conscious, about men, about dating, about what keeps us from living our dreams, and it's been great fun. That's nothing new to my readers, I'm sure, how much fun we have at Wow meetings. Great ladies, my Wowettes.

That's how it started and grew. The group did and I did. Along with some really nice new friends, I gained courage and confidence and, each time a meeting was successful, I grew again.

I learned to hear that little voice inside of me, prompting me to pursue new activities, invite new women, and to enjoy the process. I tell people that I think it's all made me a bit religious, like someone else has had a hand in all of this, because each speaker taught me something new, changed my life in different ways, and moved us all along a path of being self-aware and wise, almost like each step led to the next and then the next again, magically.

Almost from the start, I had an idea to invite men from the online dating sites to meet my ladies so that they could stop all these crazy coffee dates and interviews and meet the guys , lots of them at once, in a fun setting. I heard that little voice and finally felt it was time to act, so I advertised on Craigslist for men and planned a party at a local hotel lounge. You get the picture yet, that I just followed that little voice, waited before acting to make sure it was the right thing to do, and then creating the party was like nothing, no work or trouble at all? And it was great! Lots of guys and gals our age, having fun on a Saturday night, and maybe some love-connections were made. Hope so.

Then, wanting to invite my Party List guys to a party in Los Angeles of my good friend (and fellow-party planner) Rookie of http://www.supersinglemixers.com/, I put another ad on Craigslist for guys in a different area of town closer to her event. I looked through the guys' ads just to see what was there, found one that really spoke to me and I wrote to him and then invited him to my next Party List activity, a Concert in the Park. Mind you, he was the ONLY guy I wrote to and our limited email exchange was good and I thought he might not be the usual guy. So then we had the Concert and, again, it was a great success and he showed up, brought Taquitos to share, sat next to me, and I liked him right away. He had this quiet confidence, an inner strength about him. He carried all my stuff (and his!) to my car, handed me a flower that one of the ladies had passed out, I hugged him, and voila, here he is. And proving to be a grown-up guy, well grounded, funny and sexy and seems to like me, my quirkiness and all, and we're just having fun. And yes, it's special and wonderful and I'm not gonna miss a minute.

He says we're lucky to have had this random meeting, but I don't think it's random. I did all those things, the Wow group, the speakers, the parties along the way. I'm not the same woman I was when Wow started. My dear friend (and fellow blogger Jessica at http://www.itsnotaboutyourstuff.com/) says that I attracted such a great guy because of all the growth I've had in the recent past. One thing has led to another and people say how amazing it all is, but really I'm just listening to that little voice, being willing to see my own shortcomings and grow past them, and am willing, finally, to allow myself to fully participate in this amazing thing we call life. To really walk through the scary places where that little voice takes me. To really live.

So the morale of this story? Stop seeking. Stop making lists. Stop trying to find him. Just be open to seeing yourself as you really are, love yourself and your gifts and your flaws, be passionate about life, and listen to that little voice that guides you. Take the time to be quiet so that you can HEAR that voice. Instead of seeking someone to love, love YOURSELF. Instead of looking for a great GUY, be a great person YOURSELF. Instead of seeing what you DON'T have, appreciate with your whole heart what you DO have. Instead of seeking love, BE love. Thanks for asking.

Finding Your Joy Spot.

Jae Gordon



We have speakers at our Wow meetings, people who teach and encourage and help us grow. I never planned for this, having Wow be a place to learn and change and challenge us, but it happened. My intention was to make new women friends at a time when I didn't want to date, and it has turned into a magical experience, each Wow meeting bringing the joy of making new friends and the pleasure of becoming closer with old friends, and the excitement of coming to know ourselves in a deeper and more meaningful way. Lots of big words there, and I didn't mean to sound lofty, but I think I'm trying to say that creating WOW and sharing in the lives of these beautiful women is a treasure I didn't anticipate. And for which I am deeply grateful. You ladies are all a blessing to me and I thank you.

What has put me in this joyful state? It was meeting Jae Gordon (http://www.jaegordon.com/) who joined us last night at our monthly WOW meeting and spoke about The Joy Spot! Jae is an accomplished woman, an attorney and author who has spent her life learning and growing and challenging herself, listening to that little voice inside of her and following her dreams. She is a loving and kind and joyful woman who was generous enough to take the busy freeways in Los Angeles to find my little house and share herself with a roomful of strangers. And change our lives in the process.

See, Jae writes that, in order to find joy, we must come to really know ourselves, to recognize those old scripts we learned from past experiences that have motivated our actions and kept us from creating the life that we really want. I'll let Jae tell it in her own words:

Seven Joyful Choices:
1) Own your choices - this emancipates and empowers you.
2) Be honest with yourself - undo conditioning and limiting beliefs.
3) Adjust your thinking - so that your life doesn't happen TO you, you make it happen.
4) Use your emotions as a guide, not a master.
5) Get quiet for a few minutes every day - so that the true you is revealed.
6) Listen to your body - it never lies.
7) Live in gratitude.

And Jae says to remember that:

--It's never too late to change your life - even tiny changes can be life-altering.
--Every day lived truly is worth a lifetime.
--Only YOU live your life.

Then Jae suggested that we think about how we would create our life, how our life would look, if there were no obstacles in our way. The ladies shared their lists and some said that they would be doing more volunteer work, they would have a delicious man who adored them at their side, that they would travel more, that they would live overlooking the ocean. And then we all realized that everything we listed as "wishful" was clearly obtainable and achievable, that we could really make those precious things a part of our lives NOW.

I remember years ago, sitting in a group of single men and women and being asked a similar question, what would we do with our lives if money and time were no object. I realized that I'd always wanted a college degree and a few years later, at the age of 42, I enrolled in my first college classes. It took me ten years to graduate and those years were full of excitement and challenges, and yes, joy for me. I received my diploma in the mail on my mother's last birthday, two days before her passing, and I haven't seen it since showing it to her. I can only imagine the pleasure she must have felt seeing the proof of my accomplishment in her last days. When we seek and fulfill our dreams, think of the ripples it creates in those around us, in those who are given courage by watching us walk through our fears, in others who are moved to achieve their dreams because we did, and in those who love us and want us to be happy.

So I say, Bravo to Jae! Thanks for your delightful company during dinner, thanks for allowing us to enjoy your friend Shannon, thank you for your wisdom, and thank you for sharing from your heart the lessons you have learned about living joyfully. I look forward to hearing about the joys your lessons will bring to my Wowettes who listened with their hearts to your inspiring words.

Etiquette, dating, and joy.

Dating! See that gorgeous '57 Chevy? That was the car to have when I was in High School in the mid 60s and here I am now with those adorable grandbabies, and I've been dating, off and on, since then!!!

I can't imagine any of us thought that we'd be dating in our 50s, but here we are, using online dating sites and going to dances and meeting guys that friends think are just right for us and we're still dating. I've had speakers to our meetings telling us how to date, what we should wear and how we should act and offering to write our profile for us, and that we should make lists of what we want and what we don't want, and on and on and on. We've been told to be let the guy lead, to be sweet and dainty, to not say yes to a weekend date if the guy calls after Wednesday, and we've been told when and when not to have sex. We've been told to be "the chooser," to make choices and not be led, to rule out guys for any slight infraction, and to busy ourselves so that not dating will be perfectly fine. Then we're told to just "be ourselves" and how the heck can I know just who that is if my head if swimming with all this conflicting information? To thine own self be true, my dad and Shakespeare used to say, but where am I in the midst of all this craziness?

And so still we're single and looking. We have that innate desire to bond, to find someone to love, to be loved in return, and we're in our 50s and still searching. I can almost feel the pain of this guy who writes in his profile: I am 50 years old and somewhat of a loner I have a harley have been married three times third time was no charm, but I believe there is the right women out there, and i am still looking for her. Don't you just want to find him some adorable biker chick and watch them ride happily into the sunset? And another guy writes I work each day at living in the “now” and finding love and balance in each moment. My life purpose is centered around helping others create a more spiritual world. I am romantic, but what is life without romance..Sensual with a desire to give and receive pleasure and I just wonder and wonder how some fabulous woman hasn't snapped him up! And we're all still looking.

I read another post on one of my favorite blogs by the Dating Goddess - Lessons, Stories, and Insights for Yummy Midline Dating - where she writes about Midline Dating Etiquettes. You'd think we'd already know not to talk on our cell phone while on a date, to be on time, to take a shower and wear clean clothes, to share the conversation, to not be critical, etc. etc. And then Coach Rory writes about a boat, how we strong and independent women have to act like we're on a boat on our date and to "let the guy row" without giving advice or telling him how to do it, that the most powerful position is to lean back and let him be the man. Most of us have spent our lives running business, running homes, taking care of others, and now we're supposed to just let go?

Then sometimes we meet someone and it's all easy, like we don't have to consult our friends or see our therapist or re-read all our self-help books. You laugh and have fun and learn about each other and realize that you are really very lucky to have met this person, that even spending a few hours together is magical. That you not only like and admire this person but you like who you are when he's around. That you have to think you must be a really nice person to have attracted someone of such quality. That the past heartaches were really just to teach you how to be someone who is good enough for this new special person and it was worth all the pain to get to this place. That all the dating and disappointment were just classroom experience so that you could have this kind of joy. So shine your shoes, write to a few more people online, ask that good-looking person to dance, and put a smile on your face. It might just all be worth it!

Deep breaths in warm water.

It's not always easy to live in the moment, to keep my head from listening to those thoughts that circle and clutch and get bigger and weirder and start to sound like reality. I remember years ago, I had nose surgery, OK a nose job. Just a little off the top, please, so it doesn't look like Barbra Streisand. I knew the doctor since he had excavated through some of our patients' noses so that my boss, the brain surgeon, could get to a pituitary tumor and I thought, if he could do that, he could take off a bump. Where was I going with this?!? Right. I've always liked to think about things, the what and the why and how of things in life, but I know it sometimes got me into trouble when my view of reality changed with my obsessive thinking. Oh, the nose job. The doctor injected surgical cocaine into my nose and for two days the screen was white. No chatter, no mental gossip, no fears, no nothing. Just a blank slate. I imagine that's why people use drugs, to silence the noise up there. Peaceful, that silence. I'm not sure where I was going with this again. I've just been in the pool, doing my laps in that 85 degree water, and I feel really relaxed, but I meant to say that we think too much. We worry, we think and we think and we call friends and ask questions and we read books and we call more friends and we just keep thinking about things. Or we just hold it all in, thinking to ourselves, and the thoughts grow bigger and weirder and then we hardly know what is real any more.

What brought this up? I had a surgical rep come in today, one of the guys who brings rods and screws and plates and pieces of bone to the operating room so that the docs (yes, neurosurgeons do brain AND spine surgery) could fuse the spines of those unlucky people with degenerative discs and instability and stuff like that. Ow. Don't worry, my patients do really well and go on to be able to bend and work and play with their kids. So this rep has seen the inside of zillions of spines and watched dozens of docs do this fancy work to people's vertebras. And what does he do for exercise? He runs. He knows it's bad for his back, all that pounding and pounding, but he does it because he's in a hurry to get it done. Even if he swims, he does it fast and has to listen to music in order to get it done. So something that can be pleasurable, a feel-good way to take care of our body and feel it move, has to be done fast to get it over. What's the hurry, I ask?

Are we in a hurry with other things? I read another blog today, http://www.datinggoddess.com/, a site with good advice and food for thought. The post was about how we meet someone and we immediately project, like we plan where we'll live with them and who will do the dishes and how the sex will be and stuff and don't even know yet about their character or their ethics or sense of humor or anything. Then, if we get to know the person and we find we aren't a match, it's a great big hairy disappointment since we've projected a whole life together and now it's not going to happen. Or we refuse to see the red flags because we don't want to give up the future that we've fabricated. In another blog of my friend Rookie, http://www.supersinglemixers.com/, where a guy, a nice guy who I happen to know and like, writes angrily about how ALL women take out their anger toward other men on him, how ALL women think that ALL guys are liars and drug users and cheaters and he's just really pissed off because he is an honest and ethical guy, which I believe to be true, and that women don't give him a chance to prove it. They have their minds made up and thus aren't able to see that really nice guy that's right in front of them. So it's that not being in the present, our head being in a different place than our body, that allows us to meet someone and think the worst or project a fantasy before we even know their last name or favorite movie and just paint a picture of them that could be sooooo wrong but we just decide that it's true. Ow again.

I'm still not sure what is the point here. Maybe it's to slow down and enjoy where we are. Really BE there. I could do my laps in that lovely warm pool and be thinking of work or money or that guy I like and I would completely miss the pleasure of swimming. What if you were getting a massage or engaging in some other spectacularly fun physical activity that I won't mention here and be thinking the whole time about sports or the laundry or that person at work who bugs you or does that guy really like me or what should I wear on my date and then miss it all. It'd be like going to a movie and falling asleep after the opening credits!?! You're there, but you miss it ALL! OK, I think I have a point here, that we need to slow down, maybe stop sometimes and just do nothing and just feel. Yep, use the senses. Just be there. Enjoy the moment. Let the thoughts happen and just watch them float away. Breathe. Eight counts in and eight counts out.

Remember that picture at the top of this post, those two adorable kids in their bright green floaties and matching goggles and that goofy poodle squinting in the sun but refusing to leave their side? Those are my twin grandchilden, ready to swim in my pool, and I was so busy making making sure I had everything I needed and that they had enough sun screen and that I wasn't going to rip the pool cover and whatever else was churning in my head that I really almost missed that amazingly silly shot of them, totally oblivious of how cute they looked, just delighted that they were wearing that silly stuff and waiting for me to tell them to jump in. I would have missed that, but I didn't and I'm glad. Here, that's my message - let's not miss those special moments in life by being somewhere else.