Ads, punctuation, and feet.

I am really in a strange place. I feel like a fish out of water or like I'm visiting a new country or maybe a new planet. Ever feel like that?!? It feels like a transition, but I have no idea what's happening next. I don't want to be negative or cynical ever and especially now that I don't really know what's happening, so maybe I'll just share some of the emails I've received from a few guys recently on an online dating site.

It's fun to get an email from a guy who looks promising. There's always that little jump of the heart and a warm hopeful feeling, like maybe this might be a great guy that will "get me" and who I'll enjoy. So I had an IM experience with a guy a few nights ago and it was such fun. He was witty and clever and quick and then I talked to him on the phone and it turned out that it was all adult ADD. In our fifteen minute conversation, I learned the names and details of his twelve businesss and one other business that requires him to be in three different states. I also learned the name, location, and business of his daughter and a complete list of all the countries he has visited and the ones he plans to visit soon. And he learned absolutely nothing about me! Nothing! Next!

And, just for your amusement and so you married folks will have a greater appreciation of your mate, I share with you assorted responses to my own online profile:

From a 20-year-old:
Hi, I know you're looking for a long term serious relationship probably with someone your own age, but I saw your profile and although I'm looking for some friends, I really liked your words and think we would get along well! I am interested in knowing more about you and I'd love to hear from you! Thanks for reading,

From three other 20ish guys - it's not a long-winded generation:
hey hottt stuff
Simple and sweet!
You seemed very cute , so I decided to message you.

From a guy my age who needs some lessons in introductions:
I liked your profile, so I thought that I would message you. I used to live in Chatsworth but am now in Sunland. What do you do for fun?

Could you please learn to punctuate?:
Hi there im Joe how are you youre a lovly looking woman great smile i hope my profile isnt too long lol. Im looking for my 2nd half too 3rd whatever it takes im a loving kind romantic man seeking same in a woman and i love to laugh i know slow dance and can cook and to me age is not important its the heart that counts you look just lovly would u care to chat im in North hills Calif but would relocate for the right partner

Is this a way to write to a woman you're interested in?
I enjoy going to the performing arts center for a show an may be a cup of coffee after I like golf road cycling and staying in good shap

In the No Thank You category:
Hey There,
I know you are looking for more of a serious relationship but I have a question for you and thought it would at least be worth asking. My apologies if I offend you in any way and I'm sorry for bothering you with this question... I have a thing for women's feet and I was wondering if you would be interested in meeting a guy who would give you a nice foot massage, then suck your toes and lick your feet thoroughly and sensually for as long as you want. This does not have to include anything sexual beyond the feet. What do you think about that?

And finally, in the "please keep your clothes on" category:
Do you like to be naked? I'm a nudist and would like you to go with me to my naturalist club. Do you like to role play? I do. let's talk please call me.

Really, I don't make up this stuff. Are there any "normal" guys out there? I have a friend who tells me that there's always another bus stopping at my curb, meaning that there are always lots of guys to meet, but if this is them, I'm not so willing. Maybe I'll stop looking for a while. I've got a lot of good books to read. Call me if the world changes.