Sex and left-overs.

Are men clueless? From what I hear from the ladies, I think some guys might need a refresher course in how to please a woman. Here goes:

1) Sex starts outside the bedroom. Did you ever hear that men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots? This means that we are slow to warm up and get going. If you start foreplay waaaay before sex, like all the other times you see us, we will be warmed up and ready to go (almost) before we get into bed. Like holding our hand when we're walking, kissing our cheek during dinner, rubbing our arm, and any other thing tender physical gesture that can be done in public. Saying nice things about how we look or that we smell good counts, too. That all warms us up and makes it so much easier to respond to you in bed.

2) Don't hoard the stuff. When you have an issue with us, let us know right away or as soon as possible if we're in a public place or at our kid's house. Saving it all up and then letting us have it all at once is really not playing fair. That "I didn't like it when you...." and relating episode after episode weeks after they happened is not OK. Telling us at the time is good because it's real and happening and we can talk about it and use it to get closer to you, but later on it takes on a whole different picture, like we are being blindsided and can't remember what happened. Or saying "you seemed so unhappy with me when we went to ....." two weeks later but maybe we were sad about something that happened with a friend and it had nothing to do with you and you've been stewing about it for weeks and we're defenseless. You all talk on your profiles about "communication" so get busy doing it. It shows us who you are and we can respond immediately and clear it up so it doesn't grow into something that it was never meant to be.

3) Listening means not thinking, but hearing. When we are talking, it's your job to keep the spotlight on us. Every time you listen to us and then say something about you, it takes the spotlight off of us. Don't think when we're talking. We can tell you're doing that when you interrupt us to say something or have a response all ready before we're done. Listening is hearing what we're saying and asking for more information and letting us finish.

4) Keep wooing us. Remember at the beginning, all that chemistry? It was because we were both putting energy toward each other and creating some new chemical from that mixture. Think of fun things to do and make plans. This just "coming over" to our house gets old. Relationships are living things and require activity. Think about how much energy you put into your work or your hobbies or your sports and spend some of that time thinking about how to make things fun for us when we're together.

5) Ask for what you want. If you're not getting what you want, you have to tell us. Even if we guess, we could be wrong or completely miss the boat. If you want us to be more affectionate or to plan the next date or make you dinner or be more assertive in bed, you have to say it. I'm not talking about being critical, I'm talking about stating what you'd like. What's the worst thing that could happen? You won't get what you want, but you're not getting it now, so where's the loss? The best thing that could happen is that you get what you want, we know you better, and we are happier because we made you happy. Win-win for all.

6) Let us know you accept us as we are. Telling us what to wear or how to do our hair or that we're not as thin as someone else is demeaning and critical and damages the relationship. It's like my car. It's a Suburu. Telling it to be a Mercedes will have no effect. I bought a Suburu. You get what you buy. In a car and in a person. If you can't accept us just as we are, please move on.

7) Don't give us your left-overs. We know you have a busy life, but saying you can see us after everything else you do all week means that we are a low priority to you and we don't like that, nobody does. And calling to say that your other plans cancelled so you can see us means that we are that far down the list of what's valuable to you. Coming over exhausted and falling asleep at 8:30 at night on our couch is OK every now and then, but we get the picture if it's every time. Same goes for being late or talking on your cell phone or breaking dates or wearing sloppy clothes. We want to be important to you and giving us what's left of you after you do everthing else tells us that we're not.

What do you guys think? I'm willing to write a list of things that we ladies should remember about making you guys happy, so send me your suggestions!