Breathing, stillness, and answers.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood! Ah, Los Angeles, the weather is fabulous and, even if it's winter, it's like spring. I'm off today and usually have the grandchildren, but they're in Big Bear with the snow while I'm in La La Land, enjoying the balmy weather.

I'm in a bit of a peaceful place, which is amazing since I'm on the outs with the boyfriend, taking a breather to think about what is really going on and what it is that I want. I keep thinking about change, how it's so hard to do and so uncomfortable, but a life without it is not really living. I try my best to lead a conscious life, being aware of myself and what I'm feeling and what is going on at that very moment. There are many ways I do this, but mainly it's just holding still, being aware of my body and my surroundings, paying attention to my breath, and letting any thoughts pass right by without thinking about them. It's a zen thing, this living in the moment, and it's not easy - I was told by my first teacher that if we can be without thoughts for one breath, we are doing well.

So I achieve this, second by second, by meditation while sitting or walking, yoga, deep breathing, or even just focusing on something in the room, anything to give me one second or more of freedom from thinking. I remember years ago, when I had nose surgery and a cocaine-derivative was injected, that I had two days when the screen was white. Like all the chatter and confusion in my head just stopped and there was nothing there at all, just that white screen, and it was so peaceful that I thought this must be why people use drugs, to get away from all that chatter.

The real purpose of being quiet and in the moment is really more spiritual, to allow the truth to arise within in. It's like we have a dilemna and we think and think and ask our friends and read books about it and maybe even seek counseling, all of which are good. But then sitting quietly long enough, letting the thoughts pass us by, and just like that the truth speaks to us. Like magic, or maybe it's God or the Universe or some greater consciousness or whatever, but it's a peaceful resolution to what troubles us and, for me, always a path to calm and resolution.

In this troubled world, always being bombarded by stories of death and destruction, it's not easy to be happy and calm. Finding some way to stop the noise and be quiet inside isn't easy, but it's like a breath of clean fresh air or a visit from a long lost friend, a way to return to what's real and true. And even one moment of such peace is a blessing in our busy lives.