Maybe the Prince is already here.

Fairy tales. Remember Snow White and Cinderella and how they suffered and then the Prince rescued them? We grew up with these ideas, believing that a fabulous man, with money and looks and charm, would come into our lives suddenly and create for us the life of our dreams. No struggles, no financial troubles, no relationship problems, just a house with a white picket fence, a few beautiful children, and bliss. That's what we learned as little girls and it's still haunting some of us.

Five of the Wowettes went out last night for a Girls Night Out to dinner and a movie. It's hard to find something as nourishing as giggling with girlfriends. We talked and laughed, we shared and we listened, we were sad and we were amazed, and we had a great time.

The movie, however, was a different story. We saw Definitely, Maybe, what I thought would be an amusing romantic comedy. This is the official introduction to the movie at A thirtysomething Manhattan dad is in the midst of a divorce when his 10-year-old daughter, Maya, starts to question him about his life before marriage. Maya wants to know absolutely everything about how her parents met and fell in love: Sounds cute, huh? And here are some critics' reviews:"...agreeable and engaging and real enough in the right smallish ways..." "Suddenly, unexpectedly, a Ryan Reynolds movie worth seeing."..."...will sprinkle its pixie dust over anyone who took their own circuitous path to true love." Sounds good, right?

OK, it was terribly overacted and completely predictible and almost irritating in its over-the-top cuteness. At least the three women stars were strong and not clingy, having their own careers and minds, which was unusual for a romantic comedy.
But what really got to us ladies was that it perpetuated the fairy-tale idea that the guy was the Prince, a handsome guy without flaws who would come back some day to declare his love for us. We ladies realized that we still carry around that idea, that the Prince is still out there and still perfect for us and we just have to stay thin and attractive and perky and he will appear. That no matter how fabulous our lives may be, we still need him to complete us.

I admit that I do have some of those old stereotypes in my head. I catch myself thinking that the guy should come up with great plans for dates, that he should find ways to bring excitement into my life, that he should be all the things I wish I could be but haven't become yet. And I find that men have flaws, that they don't always come up with ideas for dates, and they often lead lives that aren't exciting but routine. And sometimes I have found that disappointing, that they aren't going to whisk me off to Paris or fabulous live local events or introduce me to their stimulating friends and on and on. That they have lives that are the same week after week, going to work and having dinner with friends and seeing movies and the usual stuff. That they are real. Just like us.

So maybe that's better. There is something comforting about a guy with his feet on the ground, doing his job and keeping up with his friends week after week with no drama. And, really, I'm the one who has to create excitement in my own life and who has to become the person I want to become. We all bring baggage into every romantic relationship, no matter how healed and healthy we've become, so adding unrealistic expectations makes it even tougher. What's the answer? The bottom line is to love and accept ourselves first, really love our flaws and appreciate our beauty, before we share ourselves with someone else. Sometimes, we have to learn to do that while in the midst of a relationship, like I'm doing now, and it's a bear. But if you're lucky enough to have a really patient and kind guy like mine, be sure to share with him those struggles so he knows what's happening. And I wonder if a really exciting guy, the Prince who rescues you and takes you to his castle, would really be down-to-earth enough to be able to listen and hear and love us anyway. I vote we leave the Prince for the fairy tales and then maybe we'll realize our everyday guy is the real Prince after all.