Have you thought about the man you want to be?

Ah, Wayne. Imagine a man who spends his time and energy helping men become the men they want to be? Well, that's Wayne Levine of West Coast Men's Center and BetterMen.org, the author of "Hold On To Your N.U.T.S. - The Relationship Manual For Men. And the guest speaker at tonight's WOW meeting. Lucky us!

We are self-sufficient, strong, independent women who really would like to have a man in our lives and so we talk about it, share the details of our coffee dates, and ask each other what would you do with this guy when he did this or that. We read self-help books, we take seminars, and we read all the women's magazines telling us how to please our guy. And we talk and talk and talk about ourselves and what we've learned and what still puzzles us and we almost never stop trying to figure it all out.

But the guys? Who do they talk to about their personal issues? Apparently no one, I hear. They can't really talk about it with their mates or girlfriends or guy friends for fear of being perceived as weak. They weren't taught how to deal with their personal issues by their fathers or father-figures. So they are just flailing around, trying their darndest to have successful relationships with women and often failing miserably, thus adding to their insecurities and promoting more self-loathing.

So Wayne is there with men's groups and men's weekend retreats to teach men to become the men they really want to be. To get them to stop whining and complaining about their women and look into themselves to figure out what they are doing that instigates or promotes the conflict. To get them to set limits, determine their own N.U.T.S (non-negotiable, unalterable terms) and stick to it, regardless of how their mate will react. To get the guy to realize that it's not about HER, it's never about her. To provide a safe place for men to say what they need to say, to learn to silence the little boy, to learn to express their feelings without defensiveness, and on and on. But I'd rather you learn it from the expert. From Wayne.

On one hand, it's almost sad to realize that the men I've loved in my life have needed such guidance and mentoring and that those relationships have failed. On the other hand, Wayne assures us that men can heal and grow and become strong men, the men with whom we can create healthy and lovingrelationships. I'm waiting for a guy like that. Right here, learning to be the best woman I can be, having fun with my girlfriends, and waiting for a great guy like that!