Reflections....

She sat at her desk quietly. It was the end of a busy day, full of grandkids, hiking and laughing and climbing at the park and a bubble bath full of giggles. Now it was quiet and she was alone with her thoughts.

Break-ups just suck, she thought. She was lucky, though, and had a group of women friends who shared her sadness and were full of comforting words. How she should be grateful for having had the experience of being with this great guy, being so full of life and passion, and how they hunger for that themselves. How relationships were about learning and growing and that each one in our lives has a certain time to it, and no more. How she is a fabulous and wonderful woman who will attract another man some day who will adore her and cherish her and she will be full of passion again.

But, in the quiet moments, it still hurts. If only we had talked more and argued less, she thought. If only we had appreciated each other more and looked for issues less. If only we had seen more movies, taken more walks, talked more and listened more – then maybe it would have lasted. If only she had watched more and reacted less. If only she had hugged him more when he was upset. If only, if only, if only. If only she had loved better.

But it doesn’t bring him back, all this aching, and she knows it. It doesn’t make him willing to push through the pain and learn a better way to get along. It doesn’t take away his hurt and her hurt and the things they shouldn’t have said to each other. It doesn’t give them the courage to fight for what was so wonderful, to look at their own shortcomings instead of the other’s, to forgive and move forward. It doesn’t give them the chance to fix something broken, to create a new picture, to fall in love again. It doesn't give them a chance, after feeling such a loss, to make it beautiful again.