Does a woman really want a man to be a man?

We took another trip to Leon's to meet Wayne Levine (bettermen.org)who runs the West Coast Men's Center in Agoura Hills, CA. The topic was "Finding your Nuts: Does a Woman Really Want a Man to be a Man." Cute teaser, but Wayne's mission is to allow men to find out how to be the best men they can be by bonding and mentoring in groups with other men. It seems that men learn how to be men from their fathers, who are often lousy role models. Their fathers were often weak men who allowed their wives, these guys' mothers, to dominate them, so the men we meet grow up angry at both of their parents, causing difficulty in their own romantic relationships. And thus is the cycle of both men and women being frustrated, anxious, and depressed, more and more as relationships fail - and men typically have nowhere to go to with these feelings, except to lash out at their mates and the cycle continues.

So Wayne allows them a place to find their manhood by determining their N.U.T.S., their "Non-negotiable Unalterable Terms," and the tools needed to be successful in relationships. Ah, the tools: Silence the little boy, express feelings without defensiveness, cooperate without compromising N.U.T.S, run the romance department, be the rock, listen, don't argue, and develop trusting relationships with men. It's all in his new book, "Holding on to Your N.U.T.S."

Clearly, some of the men at Leon's were resistent and some even hostile to the concept of learning from other men. As a women who has met many angry men in my life, I am comforted and joyous to hear that there is a place for men to go to learn to be the best men they can be. I applaud men who take this often difficult and painful path in seeking wholeness. I know that men don't usually buy self-help books and that for some it's not "manly" to admit shortcomings and express feelings - but I can't help but think how happy these men must become as they find their confident and joyful real selves.