Live and learn. That's life, I suppose. I'm having a Guy Panel at the next Wow meeting. The ladies prepare questions ahead of time and the guys answer the questions and stay for dessert. The idea is to learn more about how guys think. So, I was talking to the New Guy Friend about potential questions regarding dating and he shared some of his dating experiences and I was kinda shocked. He said that it's not uncommon for women to want to have sex on the first date and then move on, like it's a conquest. Like they're becoming men, kinda tough and a bit ruthless and definitely selfish. He said one woman wouldn't go out with him until she saw his house, like she wanted to make sure he had money. I'm amazed.
A bunch of guys have volunteered to be on the Panel so I'm asking them to email me with some of their ideas about women and dating so I can pick the right guys. I don't want guys who are angry or nuts or women-haters. One guy wrote back, "Oh sure. In southern California most women are certifiably nuts and think they can still be Cinderella at age 55. How's that?" I thought this guy is all of the things I don't want and my New Guy Friend said that there's really some truth to what he said, that women do have a sense of entitlement, that they pick guys from online dating sites based solely on their looks, and that they often tell him on a first date that they are looking for a guy to "take care of them."
I hear so many stories from my women friends about their awful experiences with guys and I figure my friends are fabulous dates, so I'm just so surprised to hear that women can just as awful. These guys writing to me sound pretty frustrated, saying that they just crave a women to love and cherish and the women are making it next to impossible to find it. Think about someone new to dating, now in his 50s and divorced after a long marriage who writes to my request for his opinion about women and dating, "My ideas?!!!! I guess have more questions than ideas. Like how does someone get back into dating?"
After talking to the New Guy Friend, I realize I'm a bit naive about this whole subject, even though I've dated a long time, but I'm still going to give my opinion to the guys. How to get back into dating? Just do it. Ask out women who seem nice, online or in person. Be yourself, listen more than you talk, share yourself slowly, be respectful and courteous, and find fun things to do. Avoid the coffee or dinner dates and go to places where you can walk around,like fairs and museums or even malls, and think of dating as a time to get-to-know the other person. If a red flag arises, avoid that person. Rejection just tells you about the other person, not about you. Leave your expectations at home and enjoy what happens. It's supposed to be fun. Above all, be honest and straighforward and avoid game-playing at all costs. Just do it.
1 comment:
What you've heard from guys about women is accurate... and in all honesty I've heard worse both first-hand and through trusted male friends.
The 'going for looks' on dating sites and 'going for chemistry' in face to face encounters seems to keep many women from what they really want. There's a big difference between what many women find attractive and what they truly want from a guy. Unfortunately very few seem to recognise this issue...
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