I'm fascinated by an update of one of my Wowettes. She was always been a quiet presence, even in the midst of a houseful of noisy women. She tends to listen and not leap, but I've always felt a strength to her. Quiet and seemingly shy as she is, she is one of the first Wowettes in our five plus years together to find a man she wanted. He was her "type," rugged and handsome and earthy, but kind and respectful and loving. They had their ups and downs, but she never failed to say how much they could talk and share and enjoy each other's company.
But they had some conflicts. She had recently been divorced from a long and not always very happy marriage, and her grown children were off on their own building successful lives. Clearly, her bad experience made her not want to remarry and having raised her own children, preferred a relationship where her mate's kids were out of the house, too. But her guy's adult kids were still hanging around and he allowed them to stay. And she wanted to retire in or near a city where she could find peace and quiet and not much traffic but still have culture and fun....and he wanted to retire in the mountains, far from civilization, just the two of them. And he definitely wanted to get married. What's a girl to do?
She retired. She moved to a senior community in a nearby state. And she started to create a new life, make new friends, and have new experiences without him. They stayed in touch, but it appeared that their future wouldn't be together. Lo and behold, his adult kids moved out. He accepted that she was living elsewhere and that she wouldn't marry him. And he decided that a committed relationship, even if they didn't see each other every day, was OK with him. So she lives there and visits here and he lives here and visits there and they are very, very happy.
So what's so amazing to me? That she attributes some of her courage to stick to her guns and live the life of her choice to being part of our women's group, that seeing other women in similar circumstances, single after long marriages, gave her the strength to be true to her desires and dreams. And that she refused to give up how she wanted to live her life to do what her guy wanted, but in the end worked out a compromise that made them both happy. I have only the greatest admiration and respect for this lovely woman who, by the way, has kindly invited me to visit her new home and see the sights!
I know that relationships require compromise, that we all have to give up something to get something, but so many of my friends really give up too much, surrender their dreams and goals, and end up with a relationship that is unhappy, especially over time when resentment and bitterness can set in. I think that many of these women know that they are giving up too much and allowing the guy to give up so little or even nothing.....but they do it anyway, maybe hoping that somehow it will still make them happy, knowing in their hearts that it really won't.
So kudos to my dear friend. For making my heart sing by saying that I, and my women's group, were a big part of helping her create a new life after a failed marriage. For being honest with herself about what she wanted for her life and for sticking to her guns, not in a mean or hard way, but in a tender and compassionate way, refusing to give up her dreams but still keeping space in her life so that her guy could make the changes, on his own and by his own choice, to create a life together. And for staying in my life, even with such distance between us, so that I could continue to enjoy the story of a woman who dreamed.....and is making her dreams come true..
No comments:
Post a Comment