Carry-on vs. check-in.

I recently received an email from a reader who wrote: "I have been seeing a great guy for almost six months and he's all and more that I could imagine from a guy. My problem is that I've got baggage from the past so, when I tell him something about himself that I can't tolerate and he admits to having a flaw and that he will work to change it, I keep hearing previous boyfriends who said that and didn't change or changed for a little while. Even though he has made some changes, like learning to communicate more, I can't get past the idea that he isn't sincere and this causes me to hold back on my feelings for him. Signed, 'Got Baggage'"

Wow and geez, we've all got baggage from the past. The problem with relationships is that they tend to bring out our flaws, like it's impossible to be that close to someone without being real and showing who we really are. I heard stories about how people get married and then change and maybe it's just that they were being someone else to snare the other person and then reverted to their old self when they got hitched. I've also heard that relationship rub off our rough edges and that's a good thing, but it requires some looking at ourselves and that's not always easy and is certainly not pain-free. But we all carry all kinds of stuff from our past, guys who lied or gals who started off sweet and then turned witchy.

So what should I tell "Got Baggage?" That maybe this guy will be different from the others, that maybe he's sincere and really wants to work on himself? That maybe she should learn to trust this guy because he might be a really good one with honest intentions? Anyone who gets to our age and has had relationships has got some baggage. I've sure got some myself. I've been with men who cheated and lied and I probably look at guys now and wonder if they'll do that or maybe even expect them to.

So the question is, should we look at each new potential mate as a blank slate or should we allow ourselves to view them through our baggage? Do we have a choice - can we even really see others without them being colored by our previous experiences?