Vacations, old friends, and a road trip.

I'm on vacation. My oldest friend Auntie Sharon is visiting this week from Georgia and I want to spend time with her, as much as possible. We go way back, over 40 years. We married brothers the same year, had baby girls the same year, got divorced the same year, and then lived together after our divorces. We were in our mid 20s, looked fabulous, were opposites who got along famously. Our daughters grew up like sisters, and she has a place in my heart that no one else fills. She moved to Georgia six years ago and I still miss her, so having time with her is like medicine to me. We are so different that it's a wonder we get along, but I think we just accept and love each other unconditionally which is a precious thing.

So I worked today until 1:30, left to pick her up at the airport, went to the bank, picked up my grandchildren after school, took them home so Auntie could see my daughter, and then went to surprise her 86-year-old mom. It's a big Italian family where everyone talks at once and it sounds like they're arguing, but the love is palpable. It's so different from my family where we never speak our mind, are so full of baggage that we rarely see each other, and we have animosity towards each other that even outsiders can feel. I love to be part of Sharon's family's noisy and sometimes chaotic gatherings, grateful to be part of a family who care about each other and accepts me as one of their own.

I think we never quite get over the messages we learn as children. After thirty years working for the same boss, I still find myself shrinking in fear that he will get mad at me, like I'm reliving my childhood years with a family of bullies who I feared. It always seemed like I was an outsider, someone they picked on and went out of their way to make feel bad and small and unloved. I've spent many, many years trying to grow out of that fear and lately, at work, it's about 50-50, that sometimes I feel intimidated and sometimes I feel powerful and strong. So we don't just cast off these old fears, but we can submit to them less and less as we become aware and seek a new path.

I'm not the person I was when Sharon and I were pals years ago, but being with her is a reminder of who I was and who I've become. We're going to take a road trip in a few days to somewhere we used to visit together and I think we'll have a great time. I hope we can connect, not as who we used to be, so we can really get to know each other as we are now. I'll keep you posted.