He what?!?!?

Geez, time flies.  We had a Wow meeting recently and finally here's the scoop on what happened.  We were supposed to have a Q&A about dating and relationships with a local life coach-therapist-dating column writer, but she flaked at the last minute, so I thought we'd just go ahead and talk about the questions ourselves, since the ladies had each sent me a few ahead of time.  I asked the questions and what followed, of course, was a fun, silly, and occasionally informative time with the Wowettes.

I started with the obvious and easy questions, like "Why do men take your number and never call you?"  (Because they really aren't interested.) "Should you sleep with someone you are attracted to on the 1st date?"  (YES!  NO!)   "Is it OK for the woman to make the 1st move?"  (YES! Which led to, "what moves should the woman make?" Most said that it was good to encourage the guy, with a smile or a look or a hello, and then let him take the lead.  Who wants a guy who can't 'be the man'!)

Then the tougher questions.  "Why is it that you can spend a whole evening with a man who makes a point of expressing his attraction to you, his enjoyment of the evening together, that your goals are mutual, asks that you call when you get home from the meeting, and then you never hear from him again....why bother with all those words if he wasn't interested?"  (They changed their mind?  They are nuts?  It's good they showed you who they really are, by not being honest, right away?)

Another tough one.  "We all have baggage, such as health or financial issues or that we're taking care of ailing parents....at what stage do we talk about these?"   (Not on the first meeting.  As the issues arise, such as not being able to see him on a certain night because that's the night we see our mom.  Over time, slowly, but not all the details of the situation until the relationship shows it might be getting more serious. And we certainly want to hear their issues before too much time goes by....)

Tough again.  "Why is it that men have difficulty with our close friend of the opposite sex....are they lacking in close relationships themselves so they don't understand ours?"  (They're jealous, so drop them....or maybe it's better to back off a little from those friendships when we find a guy we might want for a relationship.)

And finally, my favorite."Since we're pretty much stuck with internet dating in this point in time, how do we get past the guys who, in face-to-face life, wouldn't attract a woman but can put anything they want on their online profile, such as a picture when they had hair and no belly....and ask for the woman of their fantasies...like they present themselves as so fabulous when they're not and asking for a petite, slim, blonde, fit mate who will ride on their Harley with them into the sunset?"  (This one pretty much stumped the ladies....until one who has been internet dating for a long time said that she is beginning to notice that the men she is meeting online seem to be more realistic, seeking a sincere mate their own age who understands them and will be an equal partner. Oh, that's comforting...I like the thought of that!)

So we had fun, laughed a lot, learned a few things, met a few new and very nice ladies, and shared a yummy meal and dessert.  As usual!

An angel passes

I believe in angels.  Those people on earth who bring sunshine wherever they go, no matter what their situation or troubles might be.  I've known someone like that for many years and yesterday he passed on.


On those days that I felt low or maybe even a little poor-me, I'd always see David.  He'd be in his electric wheelchair, smiling and making jokes and spreading joy as he rolled along.  Always cheerful, always wishing me a good day, always telling happy stories, always bringing a smile to my face.  When I would call the hospital blood bank to make appointments for my surgical patients to donate blood for themselves, David would answer the phone and say, "wait, let me get my brain."  Born with many birth defects, his body was small and mis-shaped, and he was without much use of his hands or arms, but he would still grab his dictaphone and save the information I would give him about the patient.  Really, I could never quite understand how he managed to do all he did, get around on his own, perform his job well, and make everyone he met a little happier.


I don't know why some people have it easy or why some people have it tough in life. David was dramatically challenged yet never complained, never talked about his situation, and never seemed anything but upbeat.  It was a medical miracle that he survived so long with his condition, well into his fifties, and a local research hospital was even studying him, following his life as he aged. To me, he was an angel, a person put on earth with a special mission....to show us how to make the best of life and to spread sunshine to all he met.  I just can't imagine not seeing him anymore, but I'll never forget him.  If there is a heaven, David is there, enjoying freedom from his earthly pain and smiling.  I just appreciate that he was a part of my life for so long.  Thanks, David, for all the happy moments you brought me.  I wish you  peace and joy forever.

A car, a bus, two planes, and one very big boat.

What a few weeks!  I've worked 10 hours a day straight almost every day and come home and crashed, celebrated my daughter's 40th b'day, suffered through hearing about my little grandson's head being shaved (damn lice!), arranged a housesitter for my very spoiled cat, found out that my new obviously not-so-smart phone hasn't taken your messages so you must all think I'm a bigger flake than usual, and now.....drumroll.....yes, I'm a-going away.  So what if the weather report predicts not just cold, not just rain, but, yes, thunderstorms, I'm going!  And after booking TEN surgeries today (for the next few weeks), which normally I would do that in about two or three weeks or more, my boss said, you're going away for TWO weeks?!?!?  NOOOOOO!!!!!  Yes, I said.  But what will happen, it'll be such a mess, he said.  Ah, don't worry, I said, they'll all do just fine and you'll be OK.  Ah ladies, is hard work really that good for us?  OK, I admit that, every morning when I take my walk before work, I do the gratitude thing, that I'm grateful that I CAN walk, that I can hear and see, that my daughter and her family are healthy and happy, and yes, that I have a job.  

So, I'll be away for a few weeks for what I think will be a very cool trip with a very dear friend who, I still wonder, might have been kidding when she said, "I'm gonna be 60 soon, I should take a fabulous trip....wanna go?"  Kidding or not, we're off for what I imagine will be a great time of friendship, meeting new people, laughing a lot, seeing some great sights, and some just doing a lot of nothing but watching the ocean go by.  Maybe all that hard work is gonna be worth it, after all!

Ah, Eva.

Sometimes ya just gotta be there.  That's my best explanation for the recent Wow meeting.  Delicious dinner, delightful conversations, lots of hugs and kisses, and my home is filled with beautiful women enjoying each other's laughter and stories.  Is there a adequate word for the pleasure women friends bring?

So, in addition to all that joy and fun, we had the pleasure of meeting Eva Nemeth of the "EVA Approach."  This is what her website (www.evamovement.com) says about her, ...."has been a physical therapy and wellness consultant for more than thirty years.  She began her professional career as an internationallly celebrated gymnast and later taught modern dance and rhythmic gymnastics.  Today, her hands-on workshops, seminars and speaking engagements have established her as one of the leading specialists in achieving physical and mental well-being.  Her EVA Approach starts with a radical assumption; though we walk, sit, stand, and lie down every day, we don't do these basic things in the right way.  The EVA Approach corrects lifetime habits that undermine us daily.  In one lesson, she imparts knowledge that leads to immediate results: her clients instantly feel better and look better." 

In person, Eva is a charming, fun, funny, and strong woman, determined and dedicated to encouraging and teaching her fellow humans to be healthier, both physically and emotionally. She taught us anatomy and physiology and posture exercises and proper positioning of the parts of our body as we move, but remember I said you had to be there?  Here's a photo experience of Eva, teaching us with tennis balls and toilet paper, yep, to do exercises that will bring wellness:

See the pic below, there's the toilet paper used for toe exercises, tennis balls to put under our feet and roll against our muscles, and one reluctant but surprisingly flexible Wowette helping demonstrate a stretch with the smiling Eva:

You sit all day at a computer?  Those back muscles tighten, altering our posture, so put your hands against the wall and get someone to pound hard on either side of your spine with their fingers and you'll be able to breathe better.  We did it to each other and it worked.  Amazing. Just gotta convince my co-workers......

I can't fully understand or explain Eva's theories, so you can go to her website and sign up for a seminar or a (very reasonable) private lesson to find out for yourself.  Per Eva, our pain and tension are symptoms, and sometimes she finds that negative experiences in our childhood result in the pain in our adult bodies, so she doesn't just teach exercises but helps us find out reasons for our physical distress.  She said things like, "Feet have eyes that talk to our brains," and that, to be healthy, we need to "eat, sleep, touch, and be still."   Yes, we had fun and we laughed, but we were enraptured by her teachings.  I don't think I'll ever forget when she stopped teaching to the group and looked up into the teary eyes of one of our daughters, who is very tall and shared her angst about her height and hearing Eva say, as best as I can remember, "You are beautiful, you are tall, you must own this beauty.  No one else is you, you must walk proudly."  Eva didn't stop telling her that she was beautiful until I think that the lovely young woman started to believe it herself.  Eva said that we must love our bodies, tall or fat or skinny or short, that we can't be walking around all day with someone we don't like.  She asked us to take two minutes a day to stop and appreciate our bodies, to wrap our arms around ourselves, to consciously acknowledge our presence in our bodies.

For sure, I am standing more tall, sitting with less pain, and walking farther and more joyfully.  And, in the few weeks since meeting Eva, I am much more accepting of myself, much quicker to forgive my errors, and much less anxious.  I told you that you had to be there!  Call her, take a class, participate in the magic that is Eva.  You'll never be the same.

Here's the happy Wowettes surrounding the lovely Eva.  None of us wanted to let her go.

Heroes in Heels

I'm a believer in the idea that we are born as blank slates, that each action we take affects the picture of who we are and what will happen in our future.  Like a fork in the road, each of our choices affects the journey of life.  The Wowettes had the pleasure recently of meeting someone who changed all of us, someone who uplifted and encouraged and taught us how to create more happiness and joy in our lives.

Carrie Flintom is the author of Heroes in Heels, Ignite Your Soul and Awaken the Hero Within.  She drove hours to visit our Wow group and share with us her wisdom and we were moved and awed by her beauty, both outside and inside. Years ago, she began to realize that women had become competitive, instead of being supporting and loving and connected.  She realized that she was so busy with the details and demands of her life that she felt empty and wondered how she had got to the place where she was everyone's everything, sleepwalking through life, feeling like she had it all but was living in a dark place.  Like many of us, she asked herself, "Who Am I?" and embarked on a journey to find the answers, trying the advice of every self-help guru she could find.

Carrie decided her plan to improve her life and create happiness and joy must have the following criteria: 1) Be easy, 2) Be quick, and 3) Have results.  So she came us with what she calls "SMARTS," and here is the plan's brief summary:

S:  Share.  This is a call to action for the day, making one conscious decision to make someone's life better, one act of kindness, one "heroic moment."

M: Get Motivated.  Use music or a quote or think of what you were doing when you last felt moved to be motivated.

A: Affirmations.  Carrie says that 70% of our self talk is negative and, in women, often 90%.  You know how it is when someone says something nice about us and we push it away, like we can't accept a compliment?  That negative self-talk teaches us we don't deserve it.   Affirmations are short and positive statements that are true and, when said often enough, will help us to realize and belief how special we are.

R:  Record and Reward.  Carrie suggests that we use a notebook to write what "share" we did today so that we can go back and re-read it and acknowledge what good we've done.

T:  Thankfulness.  Carrie told us that gratitude opens up more space for what we feel and creates more gratitude.  The simple act of counting our blessings, those little blessings in our lives that we often forget, can change our attitudes.  We are often hindered by our fears, and Carrie says that we cannot feel fear and gratitude at the same time.

In following these steps, Carrie reminds us not to strive for perfection, but to be real and create meaning in every thing we do, to focus on what we are becoming, to be aware of how grand life really is in that very moment.  This short evening with Carrie was magical in itself, and each and every one present said she was the best speaker ever. For me, she was like a bright light, bringing with her the joy and happiness she wanted us all to experience.  You can meet her yourself by visiting her website at www.heroesinheels.com or calling her at 858-997-6305.  She's a life coach and I imagine that anyone spending even one hour with her will be changed forever.  Thanks, Carrie, for showing us all a path to a more meaningful and happy life.  You gave generously of your spirit to a room full of strangers and we are all very grateful you did. xo

The joy of women.

A lovely evening was had by all.  My favorite Wow meeting of the year took place a few evenings ago, a time full of joy and good food and friends.  Lauri, an original Wowette, hosted the meeting at her home full of twinkling lights and warmth and good cheer.  It was a full house, almost overfilled with the usual group and a lovely assortment of their guests and new members.  And it was a night that will be in my memory for a long time.


At this meeting, it's our tradition, created by a beloved member who moved across the country for adventure and a new life, to sit in a circle and share our dream for the New Year, but to do it in a way that is in the present.  Rather than "I will get more exercise" we say, "I am getting more exercise," as if to take the goal and make it real, right then, in that moment.  This exercise is always a special time when the ladies are quiet, listen to the hearts of their new and old friends, and share their own.


The ladies shared that they "are" volunteering, traveling, making better choices, being brave enough to be successful, expanding their horizons, healthy and open, spending quality time with family, healthy and taking better care of their health, singing and dancing, working out like they did years ago, participating in activities that bring laughter and conscious joy, appreciating their personal gifts, being comfortable expressing their feelings, clearing clutter, pursuing interests that fell by the wayside, reading more, watching what they eat, walking more, recognizing and appreciating their blessings, and able to express gratitude.  As each women quietly yet boldly shared these feelings, I could see and feel the others in agreement, as if each woman's desires were those of all the others present.  I was moved and touched by their openness and honesty, allowing us all to see below their surface, to share how much alike we all really are, both in our joys and our pain.


What amazed me most was that there was one thing each woman shared and one thing that none of the ladies said.  What each woman said was that they wanted to make more friends and dedicate more time to the ones they already had.  What none of these single women said was that they were seeking to find the man of their dreams. Here we are, women who go to singles events and who use online dating sites, who often share their angst about dating and not being able to find a great guy, and not one expressed even one thought about finding a mate or a husband.  Their most common desire was to create and nourish friendships with other women, the exact reason I created this group over five years ago, and clearly the love and closeness with other women continues to be what fills us with joy.  For me?  I deeply appreciate your friendships and how each of you opened your heart to the group on this most memorable evening.  We are so lucky to have each other.

My winter vacation.

It's the end of my one week, stay-at-home vacation.  I'm finally feeling relaxed and, of course, I have to go back to work tomorrow.  I took the week off because my son-in-law had back surgery on Monday (by my doctor-boss) and I wanted to be available to pick up kids and give my daughter a break or whatever was needed.  Jason is the best patient, does exactly what he was told to do, is walking and resting and almost pain-free, and well on the road to a complete recovery.


It's been a strange year for me for vacations. The only other week I took off was in April when I stayed home and painted two rooms in my house.  No Europe or tropical trips for me this year, but I do enjoy a week of not working, even if it entails household chores or tending to the family.  It took me until Thursday to really feel relaxed, but now I'm realizing how much less stressed I feel, so we'll see how long that lasts when I return to work.  And yes, I remain thankful to have a job at all.


I did get a few things done that were important.  The leaky shower is fixed, my hair is cut and colored, and I saw the third of the Stieg Larsson trilogy, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. An amazing story, well written books, and edge-of-the-seat movies.  Filmed in Sweden and in Swedish with subtitles!  Three movies and not one minute of sunshine in any of them.  That's somewhere I'm not planning to visit.  But I sure do recommend the books, an astonishing story of government intrigue and the most fascinating character I've ever seen - start with The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I finished my holiday shopping, and found out about a great place to buy gifts that change the world for very little money at www.heifer.org. Oh, and I mustn't forget that I got myself back to the gym and took a few long walks outside, so all in all, it was a pretty good week.


Oh yes,  I took a one-day trip by myself up the coast to Santa Barbara and then to the Chumash Casino in Santa Ynez.  It's hard to find a more lovely view of the ocean driving up the coast with the sun shining on the water and the view from above on the Freeway. It almost felt like meditation, and I found myself taking deep breaths and feeling calmer and calmer.  And I took a few new CDs of folk and popular music from the 1960's, so I sang my heart out the whole way.   I ate lunch and gambled for three hours and came back with a little more money than when I left, so yeah for good luck.


So what's the moral here?  Really, not much.  I'm grateful that my son-in-law is on the road to better health, I'm happy to have had extra time with the grandkids, I'm happy with myself that I am on the road to a stronger body, and I'm happy to have taken even a one-day trip out of town and that, even alone, it was a really fun day.  I haven't visited exotic new lands, but I still feel changed.  A little more relaxed, less stressed, and a bit more confident. Sounds like a good vacation to me.