Laughs, courage, and Judy Tenuta!

Yes! That's Bev and me on either side of Judy Tenuta! JUDY TENUTA! I have watched Judy on TV specials and listened to her CDs for years and I have always totally adored her. And I saw her in PERSON! Aaaahhhhh.

Just a word first about the Ventura Harbor Comedy Club. Great place! An easy drive and just off a major freeway, light on the wallet, friendly staff, and great shows. Thanks to Randy Lubas, one of the owners, for getting us a good seat, giving a funny warm-up act, and asking us after the show if we had a good time. Check it out...http://www.venturaharborcomedyclub.com/index.html

So Judy is a comedian and is very funny, but not in a usual way. She's calls herself a Love Goddess, calls lesbians "lesbiterians." She'll invite a man to the stage, make total fun of him and tell him to get on his knees to worship him and he will! She'll say sometime totally unbelievable, like she was invited to the Presidential inauguration and then say "it could happen!!!" and we fall off our seats in hysteria. Without a pause, she'll say something R-rated, apologize to a section of the audience she deems "Christians," ask all the men in the audience to admit it's true that they always want to see two women together, then tell the crowd that it's also true that we women want to see two men together, "one to clean and one to cook" and everyone will roar in laughter. But it's not just the words. She dresses outrageously in feathers and an accordian, talks and yells in a high pitched squeal, says many of her words in a long giggly trill, calls herself saaaaasy and we never stop cracking up. I adore her, I really do.

As she was performing, when I wasn't totally screaming with laughter, I had a moment when I thought about what is it about Judy that makes me feel so drawn to her? I had a light-bulb moment when I realized that it's the irreverence, that she is so very far from the norm, from her voice to her appearance to her language and to her actions, that she has helped me to be more outrageous myself. I've always thought of myself as being somewhere outside the "norm," that I have never wanted to be part of the "in" crowd, that I have a rebellious and silly side of me that always wanted to forge its own path. And Judy, with her unconventional humor and appearance, has unknowingly given me permission to be myself, to make unpopular or scary choices with the confidence that the end result might be bad or unwanted, but the journey is worth it anyway. So, even though you never knew I existed until tonight and probably you'll never think of me again, you've really given me courage. And lots and lots and lots of belly laughs. Thanks, Judy!

Friends, horses, and dancing with the President!

Man, I just wanna dance with Obama. Geez, that guy is cool and he can move! OK, he seems like a guy who has the passion and energy to make the world a better place, but doesn't he look good? Yeah, yeah, so Michelle is beautiful, but a girl can dream!

Listen, it's been a cool week. I had dinner with one of my best friends ever and her parents, like I was just a member of their family and I loved it. I love being with people who just accept me and love me and think being with me is pretty cool, but don't we all? Thanks Susan, from the bottom of my heart.

And I went out with Bev, my recently broken-up with friend, who tends to make me laugh so hard it's tough to control my bodily functions. We went to check out some possible party sites and ended up at a nearby club and we danced!!! OK, so I walk in and it's dark and noisy and crowded and hot and there are people everywhere and I find a little empty place to stand and check it out and a cute guy comes up to me and says, "Do you live in Culver City and aren't you a client of mine?" and another guy says "Didn't I meet you in Beijing?" and I'm just stunned because I don't live in Culver City and I've NEVER been to China. And then, another guy comes up and says "Hi Bev, Hi Ellen" and Bev and I look at each other and realize that neither of us knows who he is and we just start laughing and I have to tell Bev to stop, just stop, because sometimes we just can't stop laughing once we get wound up and that's my experience at going clubbing for the first time in maybe seven months. Had a great time, thanks Bev!

And then I wasn't supposed to have my grandchildren on the weekend because they had family visiting but my daughter asked me to take them Sunday because the company was sick so we met my wonderful friend Kathy in the Chatsworth Hills and I almost have no words to describe how magical a time we had. We drove up to meet Kathy and found her talking to a lady on a horse who let the kids feed the horse carrots and then we walked a block south and visited two more horses who came to the fence and ate our carrots and then we hiked way up the hills to see over the 118 freeway and saw more horses on the way down who, again, let the kids feed them. See if this picture describes the magic, with Kathy walking with her pooch Onyx (who the children hug and say "I love you, Onyx" when they first arrive) and holding Talia's hand to help her up the hill:

And then Obama becomes President and I cry and feel hopeful and, for the first time in so long, I am proud to be an American. Maybe he'll end the war, feed the poor, mend fences all over the world, and stop global warming. I feel hopeful, I really do. Now, if he'd only dance with me!

Loss, grief, and angels.

I lost someone I loved today. I work for three generations of neurosurgeons, all excellent and devoted physicians who spend their lives saving lives. The older doctor died today, and I am very, very saddened by this loss.

He was Dr. Kenneth Richland and recently received the first Distinguished Physician Award from Northridge Hospital for his fifty years of practice. Nowadays, these brain and spine surgeons can often diagnose a patient's problem in a matter of seconds or minutes, just viewing an MRI or a CT scan. There were no scans when Dr. Richland started his practice, but he still treated ruptured brain aneurysms, subdural hematomas, head injuries, and spinal cord injuries with his wits and lots and lots of amazing efforts. There were no other neurosurgeons in the area in those days and he flew his plane as far as Bakersfield to treat trauma patients, spending many hours uncompensated for his life-saving work. During the last decade or so, as he worked less hours, he spent considerable time with his children and grandchildren, taking them on countless trips all over the world to try to compensate for not being there for them when they were growing up. And they loved him deeply.

As much as patients adored and respected him as a doctor, he was also the kindest and most gentle man. My office is often organized chaos, during which he would visit with his smile and kind words, always thanking us for our modest efforts on his behalf and bringing a ray of light and sunshine to our difficult days. He deeply enjoyed his work and never hesitated to see patients without insurance, saying he just wanted to be of help. Patients would often stop by my office to tell us that they knew him decades ago and never forgot his kindness and devoted care to them during their medical crisis. I've heard story after story of his giving money to nurses to help them with their school costs, never asking for reimbursement. He was loved and respected by so many people that it would be impossible to count them all.

I did see him last night in his nursing home bed. I'm not sure he knew I was there, but I stayed for a while, holding his hand and talking to him while he slept. I looked at his hands, thinking of the many people whose lives he had affected dramatically with his skills and judgment. Yet, when I told a VP at the hospital of his passing, she told me how he would light up at the sound of my name, how he loved the ladies in my office and that working with us brought him joy.

I was reminded this week by a therapist that much of my adult difficulties relate to a childhood being raised by parents who didn't love or appreciate me. Dr. Richland was like a tonic to that pain, always expressing how much he appreciated even my smallest efforts on his behalf. He was a great neurosurgeon and a wonderful man. Through my tears, I keep reminding myself that I am a better person for having known him. It is a reminder again to me that the riches in my life are the people I know and love, that it's not money that makes me wealthy but the people in my life who bless me with their love and kindness and allow me the privilege of being their friend. I am very grateful for my time with Dr. Richland and will miss him very much. If there is a heaven, he is surely there, bringing smiles to the angels.

Hanukah, Christmas, and a birthday.

It's been a wonderful end to a sometimes difficult and sometimes fabulous year and an especially good last few months. From the amazingly fun cruise last month, to the holiday Wow meeting to my annual Jewish-Christmas breakfast with friends and family, to Jason's wonderful angel of a sister being in town for the month (that's her above with my grandchildren), to a weekend of lunch with a friend who is like a sister and a comedy house night with another friend who makes me laugh until my tummy hurts, to a whole day of a birthday with friends and family, to feeling strong, finally, at work, to turning sixty, yes sixty, today, and it's been grand.

Sometimes, when I'm with my women friends or with my daughter and her family, I try to remember to stop for a moment and think about how blessed I am. That the Wow group has lasted for more than three years, giving me the friendship of truly lovely women. That my daughter has grown into such a beautiful woman and amazing mom. That she is married to a man I adore and love like a son. That my delightful twin grandchildren live only a few miles from me and are healthy and happy and that I get to spend really fun time with them every week. That I have women friends who I love dearly. That I am healthy and that I have a job that has allowed me to have a roof over my head and feel useful and productive. That at least five people in the last week, when hearing about my birthday, said that I looked forty. That sometimes I feel sad, but more often I feel happy.

This is a joyful and sometimes pensive time of year. We are reminded of celebrities and dignitaries who passed away. We think about what we wanted to accomplish, but didn't. We think about loves that we lost, friends that moved away, and friends we no longer visit. And we think about the New Year, that we'll exercise more or read more books or call our friends more often or finally take that trip to somewhere special. And, as we are wishing friends and strangers a happy new year, we think about what we hope will happen in the new year for ourselves.

I thought about my late mom this morning, how she used to call me her "teenager," even when I was in my forties, how she'd always tell me the story of my birth on my birthday, that she wasn't here to tell it to me again today, and I was sad. And then my daughter and my grandchildren visited me at my office with beautiful yellow roses and hand-drawn Happy Birthday - I Love You cards and kisses and hugs and I was overwhelmed with joy. I am truly blessed. And I wish each and every one of you a happy new year full of very few challenges and lots and lots of moments when you know you are loved.

Snow, Magic, and friends.

It's Saturday and I'm still recovering from Thursday! It started out with one of the coldest mornings on record and snow in the mountains just north of Chatsworth. Snow! Here's a picture of snow to the east of me, taken with a telephoto lens by my very busy (and very beautiful) curly-haired daughter:

The snow prevented lots and lots of people who live north of our valley from driving in to work, so my docs 7:30am surgery started at 11:am and they had to miss a special lunchtime meeting. So the ladies in my office went and look at who we met!!!
Yes, that's the real Magic Johnson with my assistant! He came to hospital next to my office to speak on his new book and talked about how he has succeeded in business. Amidst really funny stories about his adventures in basketball! All I can say is that he's a really big guy, both in stature and heart. He talked about how his goal has been to bring business to the inner cities and to help all minorities succeed. He said that a dollar in a minority community changes hands only three times but, in a community like ours, changes hands twenty times, because there have traditionally been very few, if any, businesses in the inner city. He told a story about trying to buy Starbucks to put into minority communities, but hearing that the company doesn't franchise and didn't want to take the risk. So he invites the head of the company to a premier of a chick movie at his movie theaters in the intersection of gang territory in LA. So there are maybe 5,000 women in line waiting for the Whitney Houston movie "Waiting to Exhale" and the ladies are all talking to each other like they know each other and then, when the movie starts, are all acting like they have a personal relationship with Whitney because they are talking to the screen, telling her exactly what to do with her nasty boyfriend. And the Starbucks CEO tells Magic that he's never had quite a movie-going experience like this before and sells him 119stores!

So, the whole afternoon I'm just completely abuzz by Magic! He really is one of the most down-to-earth, yet inspiring people I've every met. In this giddy stake, I spend my evening with these lovely ladies, the women of Wow! These are some of the Wowettes at our annual Holiday meeting! We ate a magnificent potluck dinner and then gathered to share our triumphs from this year and our hopes for the New Year. With triumphs, there were many shared themes, such as taking care of aging parents, making new women friends, surviving unemployment, reconciling with siblings and grown children, finishing a divorce and getting a life back, helping a handicapped child learn to read, traveling alone, surviving changes at work, expanding a business, becoming more patient and compassionate, and enjoying their single life. In the new year, the ladies want to find a new job, exercise more, travel more, live in the moment, do volunteer work, find a wonderful man, get more fit, continue developing friendships, become financially independent, and be "fearless and focused." Although each of us has had our share of challenges this year, all were upbeat about their lives and successes. Although some were hoping for a man in their lives, most expressed contentment with being alone, all expressing love for their women friends and happiness with their lives. They are a beautiful, glowing, and joyful group of women, and I am blessed to know them all. What an amazing year awaits! Happy holidays to all!

Plumbers, challenges, and looking forward.

I learned something new today. If you fill your garbage disposal with ice cubes and then run it, this cleans the little holes that might clog up with bits of food. Gee, I'm hitting a really big birthday soon and I never ever heard that before. How did I learn this? I paid $350 to a plumber to fix a leak and replace a regulator and that's what I got! I also got the knowledge that I took care of something small right away that could have turned into something disastrous really soon.

It's the time to look back and think about what I have learned this year. The Wow meeting is in a few days and it's when we talk about the year's successes and our goals for the new year. I've had quite a year, as you readers know. A new and very difficult boss, a burglary, a few lost romantic relationships, a broken refrigerator, a poisoned dog (who survived), and some more struggles that I've already forgotten.

And maybe that's the biggest lesson of all, that we all have challenges and they pass. We learn and grow or we don't. I'm a better person now than I was at the beginning of the year. I've faced and walked through things like the burglary that could have broken me, but I actually think I'm a better person because of it. I made a few new wonderful friends, taken some great trips, and watched my grandchildren start kindergarten and lose their first tooth. I've done some things that scared me and some things that made me stronger. I guess that's just life, and I'm not done yet. Not by a long shot.

Boys, girls, and vampires.

I like to watch Ellen. I'm an Ellen, and I like that another Ellen is famous and fabulous and fine. It's an Ellen thing, I believe. I tape the show and sometimes watch it late at night if I can't sleep. So, there was this very cute little nine-year-old boy Alec Greven talking about a book he wrote called "How to Talk to Girls."
This is how it's advertised, "Are you smart enough to take over a girl's heart? Leave it to a nine-year-old to get down to the basics about how to win victory with a girl. How to talk to girls is for boys of all ages—from eight to eighty—and the girls they like. So read this book and then you're ready. Good luck!"

Like it's that easy. And since when do guys read self-help books? I know a lot of much older guys and many of them don't have much of a clue about talking to girls, so I was curious to hear the wisdom of a child. I raised a daughter and now she has twins, a boy and a girl, and the differences are obvious. The little girl is all diva, wants to be first in line, likes to be noticed, and likes "girlish" things. The boy likes to build things, isn't much on being cuddled because he's busy playing, and usually just reacts without thinking about it. Both wonderful, and both very different.

So little Alec says that the guys have to be careful and behave properly around girls because a girl can like them at the beginning of recess and then, at the end of recess, it's all over. Just like that, fifteen minutes and it's done! He says to learn to "get over it," that "life is hard, move on." His other advice is to "Comb your hair and don't wear sweats. Control your hyperness (cut down on the sugar if you have to)and don't act desperate."

Sounds like good advice. I'm not sure if men my age are still just as clueless as my little grandson or as simple as little Alec, or maybe they're just flailing around out there, trying to make sense of being single in their 50s in a world full of women they'll never understand. And put that together with women who are still trying to find their prince, still looking for that fairy tale romance from the stories they read as little girls. Geez, there's still Lifetime Movies, the sappy stories are strong women who still want romance and, yes, I watch those movies and shed more than a few tears every time.

Not sure what this post is really trying to say. I'm getting over my cold finally. My bosses still think the problems with the healthcare system are somehow my fault. And I'm just trying, myself, to make sense of soon having a big birthday and being single and enjoying my girlfriends and family and wondering if I'll really ever get past the things that shaped my growing up. Think I'll just go read a book. I'm reading the third in the Twilight series, you know the one about the teenage girl who falls in love with that gorgeous twinkly-bodied vampire. Yeah, that's reality. I wish.